Odds and Sods - NEW POST PREMIER 8.00 EST

So I had call from a recruitment agency yesterday. They said they'd ring me back. Needless to say my expectation of them actually doing this falls into the theoretical gap between "none" and "zero"


When I see today that Egyptians are voting in a landmark poll. I hope the Sphinx wins as it's my favourite.


I'm announcing my retirement from Discovery Channel / National Geographic documentaries. They trail what happens at the start, then at the first break they tell us what happened before the commercial break, and then what will happen between now and the end of the show, repeating this at each subsequent break. One I watched spent so much time with an onscreen graphic telling me that in a week's time some new show was on, that I felt like I'd fallen into some strange temporal flux were now, then and the future had become indivisible. And then I thought; will this show they are plugging have a graphic on it, telling me about another future show. And what of this further show? An Infinity of trailers, episode trailers and season premiers spun in front of me. Then my head started hurting. Honestly? It has gotten so bad these stations should just cut to the chase and rename their channel "Jam Tomorrow".

Meanwhile here is some music*

*Normally when I post stuff like this about twenty minutes later I think of something to "actually" post. 

If In Doubt

post a polemic...

I note that that there are now many urgent IT jobs in Belfast for native Swedish, Finnish, Dutch, German and Hebrew speakers. Now far be it for me to suggest that this "urgency" is inversely related to the numbers of said speakers in Belfast, but it is somewhat bewildering to consider the rationale behind locating these jobs in a place on the remote outskirts of western Europe which has a negligible history of immigration, much less a culture of multiple non-indigenous languages. You'd almost think some one was at their work "Another job creation grant? Er you'll need proof of actual employment? No? In that case I don't mind if I do" 

Recently I've become even more questioning of the point of "the news". Now it is not for me to judge which are the important news stories, even though I'm just about to do that - albeit in a roundabout way. So rather I'd ask why does it matter if (for example) a politician, in a country you don't live in, says something which will have no impact on you? But it's not just politicians, it's everything. I've come to the conclusion that most of what passes for news is just simple voyeurism. Like the old days of the travelling show with its bearded woman, much of what we see is little more than an excuse to gape. Whether this is in wonder, fear, incredulity or outrage makes no odds. A consequence of this are the attempts to make these stories, no matter how irrelevant they may be, strike a cord with the viewer. Or rather make the viewer believe these have a direct bearing on their lives. Now I'm not suggesting that such things don't happen, but I find it more difficult to square the implicit sense that they always do. Much of the vocabulary used in the news is more akin with the notion of chaos theory. A butterfly flaps its wings and, half a world away, it rains. Therefore a bus strike in London results in me not being able to get to work this morning in Belfast, whereas a bus strike in Belfast simply means I just can't get to work in Belfast. 

As for all those cropped disembodied fat torsos which have been photographed in such away so that individuals can't be recognised, or the blurred shots of school kids used to illustrate news stories (surprisingly never about Cropped Disembodied Fat Torsos UNCOVERED! or "School Kids In BLURRED video SHOCKER!) have become the visual short hand for shallow news coverage. Add the "inappropriate pop-up graphic superimposed over something" which they use (my favourite at the moment is the BBC's "The Sun" logo stuck over the top of the "New Scotland Yard" sign - gem!) and all I can think is that I'm being patronised by lazy simpletons who presume we need to be spoon information in a predigested mush, in much the same way one would feed an eviscerated toddler. 

And AS1967 is back

on Twitter. 


Just down there - to the right? See it? Yes? Read it?  Any the wiser? Nope. Me neither.

Yes. I am taking the piss about all the fucking inanity on twitter. Breaking news, gurning activists who can't be arsed getting off their fat holes and doing things - tweeting is not a substitute for action, celebrities tweeting their sincere condolences / outrage / or whatever the fuck it is they get their lackeys to do and the rest.

In administration?

Game managed to beat HMV to the "in administration" punch.  Reading the details of the rescue package it's hard not to be cynical. Okay some jobs have been saved, and Game live to fight another day. But this seems to be a way of closing branches which they probably should have closed when they went on their acquisition  spree a few years ago. In this context, and much like HMV, they aren't solely a victim of external factors beyond their control - despite how much they protest to the contrary. Over expansion, foolhardy acquisitions, and being fully paid up members of the "If it's like this now, it will always be like this" school of economics contributed. As did being entirely reliant on the whims of a narrow, finite market. Mix their foolish duplication, triplication (and whatever 4 times is) of shops in (seemingly) every single town, all of whom selling the same stuff at the same price and this outcome was unavoidable. Of course the poor saps in the shops, who had nothing to do with making the "big" decisions, are on the receiving end of the pain. 

Typical. 

Of course "Game" aren't alone. Others gaze Canute* like into the abyss. Dixons are another troubled retailer with an unsustainable number of identical branches. None of this is more obvious than in Northern Ireland where a population of 1.7 million have access to 15 outlets, many of whom are just across a retail park from each other. Now if you'd posted losses in the last complete financial year of £225m wouldn't you perhaps consider cutting costs? Perhaps merging one branch with another? Now obviously this isn't cost free.  But the alternatives aren't sustainable. Selling the odd £15 laptop bag or a £39 HDMI cable when a punter buys a laptop or a TV isn't going to help pay the rent.  No matter how many times you click your heels and wish very hard that it will. Again though, when the pain comes, you can be damn sure it won't be the culpable who suffer**. Currys are (along with HMV) the prime example of a retailer with a world view entrenched in the 1990s. Yeah they have a website you can buy things from but their entire "bricks and mortar" mortar model has been rendered irrelevant. Their approach - sell a warranty, sell an install, bung in a free bag if they take either, might have worked when (for example) a "cheap" Hotpoint washing machine was £400, but not now when the equivalent is only £220. But we'll talk more about Currys when they release their annual figures which, if I was a betting man, will be better than last years. Why do I think this? If they are much worse they will simply cease to exist in anything like their current form.    

*I'm using this metaphor in the popularly believed sense, rather than the more appealing (to my mind any way) truth - Canute didn't try to stop the tide, rather he did what he is famous for to prove he couldn't.

**Likely as not they'll be head hunted by some other organisation. It seems there are plenty of companies who want, in amongst their skill set, at least one executive who've led their previous employers to the brink of oblivion. 

Today's figure pulled from the "cost to the economy" hat is

£19 Billion

Today's figure pulled from the "cost to the economy" hat is

£73 Billion

Welcome to Fear. Part XVIII

Death by Spaceflight.

Welcome to Fear. Part XVII

Death by meat.

Doublethink. Ahoy!

Highland Spring water claim their water is drawn from beneath "organic land".
Dominos are now flogging "boneless ribs."
A problem with your Apple computer is a "less positive experience."
ITN reckon "growth declines." 

AS1967 goes "viral" as "internet sensation" attracts "several" hits in a week

There is little which encapsulates the cold dead heart at the centre of modern life more than the fixation with "internet sensations". Man calls dog. Band plays tune. Failed politician appears in unsigned band video. "Star" farts. "Star" says something. Woman builds prop from SF show. Dog surfs. President eats burger. Man jumps. Man falls. Cat wears hat. Cat doesn't wear hat. School does something. And, just like performing seals, we're expected to uncritically bark and clap our flippers in the expectation for more of the same. Share it on Bakebook, twat it on Twatter. Post a response on Ya Tube. Me? Well I'm completely fucking bored with it. And I'm bored with the way the media sucker for bollocks like this. Every. Single. Fucking. Time. John Craven's Newsround is credited with popularising the "and finally" story at the end of a news bulletin. You know the monkey on the scooter / cute panda story which was designed to bring some light relief. Somewhere along the line this changed - now the "and finally" stories are "the news". Yet these stories are now so obviously and cynically constructed to be a "quirky news story" that I question the editorial wit and integrity of the people who are quite happy to fill their pages and rolling news hours with such manifestly contrived sub-trivial shite. No matter how "cute" or "funny" or "quirky" or "sensational" they think it may be. 


And breathe*.  

The Concise AS1967

And here we are. Out of sight and largely out of mind. There is a lot for me to write about. So here it is neatly summarised.

- The long drawn out death of HMV.

- The comedy league table of failed / failing retailers the BBC have created.

- Watching the transparent doublethink of several of these same retailers claim their decline in sales is good news because it wasn't as bad a decline in sales as they'd predicted.

- Pointing out the claim, repeated by the BBC, that company profit warnings are up by 70% is blatant misdirection.

- The charade that is the SACD release of Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here".

- My continued pursuit of High Def music.

- How this is being thwarted by skelping fuckers on ebay trying to sell Peter Gabriel SACD's for a few pennies shy of £100.

- Wondering why, if it is wrong for people to profit from illegal downloads, it isn't just as equally wrong for people to profit from selling second hand music, music which according to copyright law isn't actually theirs to sell?

- The moral rights and wrongs of downloading high def music which can't be purchased new, and is only available from the shysters above.

- Gurning how a property company and a shitty generic sub-premium "premium" clothes brand gazumped the only decent music shop in Belfast, forcing it to close.

- Crap product training which not only answers questions no customer ever asks, but then gets these answers wrong. LNB? Low Noise Blocker? Fucking morons

- Wondering who at Intel signed off training which compares the performance of an Intel based machine, running Excel, compared to the same machine with an AMD graphics card running Excel. Adding a graphics card makes no difference? No. Shit. Sherlock.

- More "Tales From The Public Domain™", including the rebooted Sherlock.

- More "Even an Eric Would Serve Me Well™" especially as we're in Oscar / BAFTA /FUCKOFFANDLEAVEMEALONE time.

- Wondering who decided that basing a Norwegian / Hebrew / Dutch customer service function for people who play FIFA' 12 in Belfast would fill a critical gap in the city's employment needs

- Remarking how a decision I made, in response to a short term problem, ended up defining the last twenty years.

- Thinking how completely fucking powerless I am to change things, and how despite going to extreme lengths to prevent it, I've ended up precisely were I started.

- Wondering, if the old saying "any port in a storm" is correct, why I always end up in Larne rather than Monaco?

- And death by bacon.

- And mutant bird flu.

We're BACK!

Google have graciously consented to allowing Opera full access to Blogger's WYSIWYG editor. Does their beneficence know no bounds? Yeah that's what I think as well.

Even "Eric" would serve me well

Did this ages ago then stopped. Awards ceremonies. Every single fucking day there is another different one. At the moment there are 5 stories on the BBC entertainment page about award ceremonies. I think there is a realisation that to stand out from the morass of awards which are now bandied around like a toddlers milkshake, simply announcing "this person won an award" doesn't cut it any more, so the other "award" things which now get coverage include;

Who designed the actual award trophy.
Who decided the winners.
Who is on selection jury.
Who complained about who is on the selection jury.
Who drew up the list the public get to pick from.
Who is hosting the award show.
Who hosted the awards show previously.
Who won't be hosting the award show.
Who is presenting an award.
Who isn't presenting an award.
Who sponsors the award.
Who sponsored the award last year.
Who changed the award categories.
Who complained about the changes to the award categories.
Who promised these changes weren't a sleight but reflected the current climate.
Who has been nominated.
Who hasn't been nominated.
Who was nominated, but withdrew due to who sponsors the award.
Who will win the "Lifetime achievement" award.
Who will present the "Lifetime achievement" award.
Who didn't win the "Lifetime achievement" award.
Who has fans campaigning online for a "Lifetime achievement" award
Who will be showing the awards ceremony.
Who won last year.
Who still hasn't won.
Who was present, even though they weren't nominated.
Who was wearing what.
Yet the most relevant one of all gets ignored.
Who fucking cares?

Welcome To Fear. Part XVI

Death By Exercise

Angry Since 1967 Announces The Perpetual List Of Bands To Hear Next Year

Fifteen entirely invented bands and singers have been named amongst Angry Since 1967s Perpetual List Of Bands To Hear Next Year.

The up-and-coming artists on this year's longlist range from "A Bit 80s Sounding", "We Sound Exactly The Same As An Old Band We Think No-One Remembers" to pop artists "Depressingly Predictable", "If This Doesn't Work I'll Be A Comedian Next. Or An Actor" and dance band "Clichéd, Aul Crap, Cached As A New Dance Sub-Genre".
 
"Bleeding-Edge, Ultra Kewl, Game Changing Producer Whose Name We Can't Say Without Climaxing. Forgotten Next Week", "Angst-y Singer Song Writer (Female)" and "Angst-y Singer Song Writer (Male)" also feature.
 
"Exotic Foreigner" and "Not Very Good, But Jesus! What A Tragic Back Story" have been backed for success after it was decided to straddle them with a suitably emotional and tragic back story, complete with a montage of black and white archive footage, accompanied by a nondescript Sigur Ros track (yes that one). Honestly? I was so touched by the cynicism I cried my lamps out. "A Blatant Clone Of A Currently Successful Artist" and "We'll Be Successful This Time. Promise" have also selected for success. Amongst the others are the runts of the litter "Box Ticked", "Something Faintly World Music-y" and "Token Nod To Metal" appearing just to make the numbers up, and as a vague acknowledgement that 97% of the good music currently produced doesn't fit into the neat little boxes the mainstream media thinks it should.
 
The "taste-maker" behind this selection AS 1967, is a producer*, TV presenter**, newspaper critic***, magazine editor**** and a respected blogger*****. He claimed, after being asked to make up some completely fictional bands, "I'm so fucking cool, which is the point isn't it? I mean this isn't about the music, it's about me proving I have my finger on the pulse. That I'm down with the kids. I mean, even if these bands did exist, what they sound like isn't as important as the image I, and the rest of the people selected for this are trying to portray"
 
When the top five is announced, as none of the bands exist, they won't be featured on the Angry Since website, nor will there be any broadcast sessions or interviews with any of the winners. Or rather there will be. As these identikit bands actually are, to all intents and purposes, "real". The narrow, predictable and pedestrian range of music from which these so called "experts" make their selections never varies, rendering the outcome inevitable. So there's little to be challenged by. Nothing very different. Nothing beyond a safe facsimile of what has gone before. Unending mediocrity lauded with feigned quasi-critical, and as yet unearned, acclaim. 

Next year this will be rebranded the "Whoop-De-Fucking-Do" list, in an attempt to more accurately reflect the levels of excitement and anticipation the announcement generates. 

The Complete List.

• "A Bit 80s Sounding"
• "We Sound Exactly The Same As An Old Band We Think No-One Remembers"  
• "Depressingly Predictable"
• "If This Doesn't Work I'll Be A Comedian Next. Or An Actor" 
• "Clichéd, Aul Crap, Cached As A New Dance Sub-Genre"
• "Bleeding-Edge, Ultra Kewl, Game Changing Producer Whose Name We Can't Say Without Climaxing. Forgotten Next Week" 
• "Angst-y Singer Song Writer (Female)" 
• "Angst-y Singer Song Writer (Male)" 
• "Exotic Foreigner" 
• "Not Very Good, But Jesus! What A Tragic Back Story"  
• "A Blatant Clone Of A Currently Successful Artist"
• "We'll Be Successful This Time. Promise" 
• "Box Ticked"
• "Something Faintly World Music-y" 
• "Token Nod To Metal" 

The final result is expected in January, then repeated verbatim every year until the end of time.
 

*I stood behind a camera in 1990 directing traffic while an acquaintance videoed a concert.
**Appeared on Romper Room in the early 1970s.
***Slagged off TV programmes in a student newspaper many years ago.
****Cut photos out of football magazines in the 1970s
*****If you've read any of this blog, that should be self evident.  

Yes I did post this last year. Which is kinda the point.  

Welcome To Fear. Part XV

Death By WiFi

Welcome To Fear. Part XIV

Death By Soup

Another update

Yes. So. And. More later. Perhaps. Or not. Who knows? The notion about blogging completely left me. Why? Because (starting a sentence with "because?" will I ever learn) this thing having to use another browser seems an awful rigmarole just so I can post another inarticulate rant. In fact it might just be the deal breaker for AS1967. Although there's also a more pervasive feeling, which I can't shake off, that I'd get just as much satisfaction from shouting at myself in the mirror.

What happened there?

I've literally not been inundated with messages from people wondering what happened. Why, they don't ask, has Angry SInce 1967 not been updated for so long?

There's a simple response. The gabshites at Google removed Opera from its list of supported browsers, meaning if I wanted to post using it, I had to learn HTML. HTML? To post on a WYSIWYG editor? You must be fecking joking. Except they aren't. So here I am begrudgingly using another browser to post this missive*.

It's a bollocks. Make no mistake.

*which can't even display this simple text screen properly without adding an extra space in front of this blog post's title. Magic isn't it?

Welcome To Fear. Part XIII

Death By Vitamin Tablets

Absolutely the best Odds and Sods post in the World Ever! This Month! Part Two

Yeah another one of those mix and match posts I call odds and sods. 

Keen readers (those left) may have noticed I haven't mentioned the words "recruitment"  or "agency" for a while. Two reasons for this; it was boring me rigid whinging about the same thing all the time, and I've managed to get a job. Now when I say 'job' I mean that in the "any port in a storm' sense rather than the 'the next stage in my career'. The details of where and why aren't that important (trust me) although I now have first hand experience of the old saying "never go back'.

Another thing I haven't written about in ages is HMV. Why? Again I think I've discussed it through, and another progress report on its demise doesn't really add anything. Anyway the real action will take place after Christmas.

I was reading an article earlier on the BBC site about educational attainment in Northern Ireland. The gist of the piece is that NI's education system isn't as great as we are led to believe. The detail doesn't really interest me very much but one sentence just stuck me as good an example of "stating the fucking obvious" as I've ever seen. "There is a marked difference between highest and lowest performing students and a significant long tail of under achievement." claims a well regarded Prof. Now just roll that sentence around in your head for a moment. So there's a difference between the highest and the lowest. Cheers for pointing that out Prof. I'd never have worked that one out on my own.

My pursuit of SACD's has taken on a life of its own. The prices of the discs on ebay are little short of bewildering. I've seen Peter Gabriel's "So" for £79.99. I kinda kick myself now when I recall the mountains of these SACDs which Fopp in Cambridge had for sale. God knows what I was thinking about not buying them. There are bargains to be had - a new copy of the rare as hens teeth collectors SACD version of Depeche Mode's "Violator" was picked up for a £10. I couldn't believe I got it for so little. The guy in Head in Belfast was bemused when I told him the price second hand versions were going for. Although I think he was even more baffled by what SACD was. A week later I picked up an even rarer Can SACD in the same place for a fraction of the cost of one on ebay. Now? I've taken to trawling the second hand shops for them. Just in the off chance. The point is - they sound absolutely incredible so it is well worth the effort. "Violator" sounds like nothing else, and renders the CD version as unlistenable as MW radio. I described it elsewhere as being like someone wiping the Windolene from a dirty window. And it is. Only better than that. 
  

Angry Since 1967 'to split'?

Rumours are circulating 'Angry Since 1967' will split after its next post. While the full details have yet to emerge it seems 'Angry Since' will attempt to go-it-alone, without "1967'. Word reaches us that 'Angry Since' has been  trying to gain the exclusive rights to the blog. An insider claimed the site had been "riven" with internal disagreements. Recent attempts at relaunches and "reconciliation" between the two camps had been 'abject failures'. "Angry Since' just doesn't think "1967" is doing its fair share any more". Questions as to the blog's future were further fuelled by the recent public spat when "Angry Since" claimed it was carrying '1967'. "They've contributed nothing in the last two years, beyond dangling their numerals at the end of our words". Although denials were issued, and claims the quote was taken 'out of context by the media' it seems an announcement concerning '1967s' continued participation is imminent.  

A commentator makes wild stabbing guesses at what possible outcomes await the protagonists. 

It seems incredible to consider that something which has had such a massive impact could be about to come to an end. I'm sure we can all remember the first time we encountered 'Angry Since 1967'. How we marvelled at its growth, from humble roots into the globe spanning behemoth it is now. The impact this blog has had on our lives is almost incalculable. Indeed It is hard to imagine a world without "Angry Since 1967". Like you, I find it difficult to comprehend such a thing. That said, there has been a sense a peak has been passed. Recent posts, which have been proclaimed as "stunning returns to form" by some, seem to lack the old bite, preferring (seemingly) to fixate on bewildering obscurist parodies* and in-jokes no-one gets. So what of the two camps? While "Angry Since' is most likely to succeed and prosper, it is much more difficult to see what '1967' can do on its own. Cast adrift, perhaps a career on the celebrity TV circuit awaits? What an ignominious irony that would be. One question, begging an answer, is whether the whispers about "Angry Since" sounding out other years are true. The well documented relationship which has developed between 'Angry Since' and 1979 has been a source of much speculation, and although "Angry Since 1979" does sound odd, it does have a certain comforting familiarity. The one thing we can be certain of is that in this period of uncertainty nothing is certain any more.  

* Which is exactly what this is. Although telegraphing it as such rather defeats the point I'm making**. That's why this sentence is down here. With an asterisk. 
** Although, and on reflection, not as much as actually stating the fact that I'm making a point about defeating the point***
***That's the sort of comment which could, if followed to its logical conclusion, tie people in metaphysical knots .So I'll give over.   
   

Thinking the unthinkable about Unthink

A new social networking site has set up - Unthink, After much ho-ha it's there for all to see. And? Well I'm unaccountably reminded of Current TV. Same vaguely defined, yet lofty goals contrasting with the bollox reality of their provision. Take these two examples from their about page

"Unthinker...never lose sight of their potential, hate stale thinking, never tolerate intrusive or wasteful behavior and actively participate in shaping our future."

And

"All Unthinkers ...have adopted a win-for-all attitude, People - Business - Nature, and use the UNTHINK TREE to communicate ‘In Partnership with Nature’" 

Clearly unthinking is a prerequisite for participation with this crowd, as anyone with a semblance of rational thought should wonder; what the fuck are they talking about? This reads as a cross of new age guff (complete with its crystal energy, magic beans and spiritual trees), the mission statement of the worst type of company to work for (Publicly? Cuddly. Internally? Run like a Stalinist gulag), an irony free reading of Orwell's 'newspeak' and the unspecific intonations of fortune tellers and psychics. 

I think I'll pass.     

Blogger - Singing Opera's Finale?

You may have noticed that my posting has dropped away. Two reasons for this - I'm not feeling very inspired (no change there then) and, more problematically, Google have decided to stop supporting Opera* (that's Opera the browser not the other sort, although they've probably done that as well - just for a laugh). What to say about Google? That their status as "loveable internet geeks" has been transformed to "a bunch of tyrannical fuckers, only interested in controlling and logging every single part of your online life". They bought You Tube and Blogger and introduced a browser. Then, to "simplify things" forced you to create a single account for all of them. As I'm logged into Blogger, I'm now logged into Google and You Tube. Why? Why do they think I need, or more fucking importantly, want this? But like anything you learn to deal with it. Or I did until last weekend when I logged in to post some bollox about the BBC Proms; Only to be greeted with a little thing asking me to "try the updated blogger interface". And do you know what? It doesn't work in my browser of choice - Opera. Now you could say "big deal. Download Chrome and be done with it" but I'd respond "why?" It worked previously, I didn't get any notice it was changing, so why should I? It's hard not to be cynical, but it strikes me that by forcing Opera users to switch to their browser they are, in effect, trying to undermine a competitor. Microsoft tried the same thing by blocking access to Hotmail from Opera a few years ago. It didn't end well for them. Looks like someone hasn't learned from their expensive mistake.  

So why do I use Opera? Initially it was to wind people up. A previous employer, a company who only knew the price of things, not how much they cost, decided to move from Microsoft Exchange to a thing called Zimbra for the email and calendars. Why? Because it was free and 'Open Source' - something which delighted a certain individual who'd been employed to..er..to...no it'll come to me...no....tip of my tongue...nope, 'fraid I can't work out what they did, beyond sitting in the sunshine photosynthesising and making the odd wibbling noise. So Zimbra - Open Source - it'll work with any browser except IE. So I downloaded Opera just to see. Delightfully it didn't work. Cue furrowed lower lips and burrrring noises. Then they locked down the PCs just in case we'd download porn or something. Opera updates much more regularly than other browsers. The admin guy must have spent an hour every month just getting it updated. So I have to admit I downloaded Opera entirely for badness (and before anyone gets the idea - my fate with this company had been sealed long, long before this) but, shock horror, it turned out I liked it. Now? I'm so used to the mouse gestures I find myself trying them on software which doesn't support them. Odd that. So you'd imagine in the face of this bollox from Google I'd do something similar. You'd be right   

Angry Since 1967 faces "legal challenge"

The long running legal battles between hi-tech companies took another turn this morning when Angry SInce 1967 became the latest to become embroiled. Citing "misappropriation of the capital "A", one particularly litigious company claimed that such a prominent site using a name starting with the letter A was likely to "cause confusion in the mind of the consumer". They further accused Angry Since 1967 of "deliberately following the first letter with three consonants, all of which which appear in the same alphabet our as our brand name. We find this particularly questionable as the word in question is also 5 letters long, There seems doubt that this is an attempt to cash in on the reputation of our brand. We will not allow any one to piggy back on our image of free spirited commune dwellers, consisting of of dope smoking, Grateful Dead liking hippies, travelling Southern California in a battered VW Camper, looking for somewhere to surf". In papers seen by sources they also allege "1967" used numbers which "may, or may not, at some point previously, or at some point in the future, be exploited as branding, or potential branding, for products we may or may not produce". They also point to concerns about using a word containing an "I", on the basis that some of their next generation product names may also feature a similar vowel. Commenting on this one analyst claimed that a judge would likely find in someone's favour. Or it would be thrown out. "It's an easy way of getting publicity. And it's cheaper than advertising because it generates its own copy, as page after dreary page of this nonsense gets debated and then re-debated on sites like the BBC." 

On the news, shares in both companies enjoyed a caravanning holiday in Groomsport.

Angry Since 1967 Since August 2006

I've been having some problems trying to figure out an appropriate way to look back over the first 5 years of "Angry Since 1967". A light hearted procession of anecdotes? An "Angry Since 1967 Top 50 Greatest Moments" show on Channel 4, featuring people who've become celebs since this post? A range of commemorative crockery? A book of my greatest posts, now in annotated form? A Directors cut, re-mastered, re-released, complete with "never before seen" storyboards, a commentary track and an alternative ending? Articles about how "Angry Since 1967" changed everything? A newspaper column by someone claiming they saw it first? Another claiming it isn't any good now and how they hanker for the old days? A street party? Fireworks? A big mural? An honorary degree? A week of concerts? A grandiose statue? A triumph through the streets of Belfast? Or just another pithy post, short on coherence, which makes even less sense than usual? 

Can you guess which one I finally picked?   

Now That's What I Call "Odds and Sods" Vol 20

Any who.

I look forward to the headline "Increasing Decline Steadies" as it would neatly encapsulate the nonsense of the stock market. The predictions of boom, then bust, then boom, have taken on the air of an Breakfast TV astrologer in a bad knitted jumper. With one key distinction - at least astrology has a firm basis in fact*.

I did howl at the BBC's (and others) publication of a survey which proved Internet Explorer users were thick. Not because they swallowed this nonsense hook, line and sinker, rather that it took so long for them to be finally caught out.

I was dandering around Belfast's Saturday Food Market. Among the stuff for sale was a jar of Organic Salt. Harvested, no doubt, from a free range quarry. 

*when I say "fact", I mean that in the "it's utter bollox" sense.

OMGZ! LOLZ! ROFL! WTF? ETC!

 

Move along there's nothing to see here. Although, and in fairness, at least it is a video featuring someone - Carole Hersee to be precise. Granted she's holding a piece of chalk, playing Noughts and Crosses against a toy clown, rather than telling you how many people haven't read your Facebake profile. But, as anyone who has ever clicked on any of those links which claim to do such things will know, this is probably just as accurate.  

EXCLUSIVE! AS1967 discusses the future of "Angry Since 1967" in his own words

Contraitioned sinctionlary. Dispotispic uxtirnel? Yiaps.

Today's figure pulled from the "cost to the economy" hat is

"Millions"

If ever there was an example of the bollox at the core of stories like this, then here it is. No figures, no proof, just a suggestion that something might, under certain circumstances, cost somebody something. And yet, there it is published in all its unchallenged glory, destined to be quoted as a substantiated source, not because it is a substantiated source, but because it has had this legitimacy conferred by implication; "It's on the BBC so it must be true" 

Angry Since 1967 Sky acquistion "possible"

We can exclusively reveal that Angry Since 1967 is examining its "options" with consideration to purchasing Sky. Details of the offer, which sources indicate may extend to the acquisition of a Sky Plus HD box and a multiroom subscription, have caused shockwaves within Virgin Media, who many considered the clear favourites for this lucrative contract. One analyst claimed that while "Angry Since 1967" had gone through a period of "uncertainty", the recent termination of its contract with O2 for its broadband provision and the subsequent move to Virgin Media showed an altogether more "focused stance" than they had come to expect. This decision they claim, followed by the resignation of several people in O2 reported at the time as temporary contracts ending, shows "a willingness to change".  Virgin Media seemed well poised to benefit from AS1967 new strategy, and speculation was mounting that they, rather than Sky, would be confirmed as AS1967s TV supplier. "If Sky have in secured the deal then it would be something of a surprise." Although no-one from Angry Since 1967 was available for comment, one well placed source claimed that AS1967s "reliance" on Freeview was now considered "untenable" as the "reception is bollocks" meaning they can't "record anything without it becoming a mess of pixelated interference" so they just want something which "bloody well works, even if it does cost me an extra £20 a month"

Shares in both companies remained unchanged. 

"Beleaguered" blog denies "takeover" plans on "agenda"

Beleaguered blog Angry Since 1967 has been forced to deny rumours of a takeover. Speaking earlier a spokesperson claimed "A takeover? Have you taken leave of your senses? Oh right I get it, you are now going to just ask me random questions, hoping to get a denial , the existence of which legitimises the original outlandish claim". Commenting further he also denied rumours of plans to invade China, an Angry Since 1967 manned mission to Jupiter and the invention of cold fusion using nothing more than a 7-Up soaked tampon and some chalk. Responding to this latter statement a physicist claimed Angry Since 1967's denial of involvement in cold fusion experiments would "fuel" speculation that Angry Since 1967 are on the cusp of "something", although they wouldn't be drawn if this would be sustainable cold fusion or just a sticky, faintly lemon and lime smelling, female sanitary product.  

Ravaged blog "concedes" hacking allegations.

AS1967 was embroiled in further controversy last night following an admission that it previously engaged in "hacking". This bombshell follows recent revelations about the blogs declining readership and resultant financial cut backs. Conceding the point, AS1967 admitted that "hacking" had been endemic in the past. "I now freely admit I hacked people. In my defence though, this was entirely due to my lack of skill at football, particularly went it came to tackling." Pressed on the point, AS1967 denied "hacking" still occurred. "At my age? Have you seen the shape of me? I haven't hacked anyone since I retreated back to nets".  

Troubled blog announces "cost cutting measure"

Embattled blog Angry Since 1967 has, following the publication of its latest figures, announced a range of cost cutting measures, the most controversial being a reduction in the number of vowels used per posting. Speaking exclusively Angry Since 1967 claimed the recent hike in the cost of vowels was "unacceptable" and demanded action from the government. "We think it is appalling that every time we use a vowel the government adds a 60% levy. What we are asking for, especially in light of the recent punitive increases in the cost of exclamation marks, is for the government to either pick something else to tax, or ask the vowel producing nations to up production. These recent cost increases, exacerbated by the global shortage in the lower case "u's", has encouraged speculators to move in, sensing a way to make easy profits. The Government seems unwilling to acknowledge they can help ease the pressure"

Statistics suggest 3 letters out of 5 go straight to the Government, something which has long been a source of friction. This was most visibly demonstrated during the recent "recite the alphabet slowly" campaign which brought several large regional dialects of English to a virtual halt. Campaigners claim, unlike other nations where tax breaks are available for those who use random umlauts or circumflexes, the UK is out of sync with the rest of Europe; "We are being penalised simply to fill the deficit left when the EU banned governments from taxing the use of single digit prime numbers". Angry Since 1967 would not be drawn on possible responses, although speculation is mounting that it will shortly abandon vowels altogether and start publishing its posts in Welsh.   

"Embattled" blog announces relaunch and revamp.

Following disappointing reading figures AS1967 has undergone another major revamp. In a letter meant for staff members only, the change in editorial focus, repositioning the blog as a celebrity news site, is described as "drinking at the last chance fucking saloon sunshine." It continues, claiming they have "decided to pin the blame for the decrease in readership on internet piracy and the recession, despite it being entirely our own fault". To counter this decline they claim that "after 3 seconds consideration, we've decided the one sure way to keep AS1967 afloat until it's bailed out by a Russian billionaire, is to follow the herd and fill this becalmed whale of a thing with the minutia of the lives of former soap stars, celebrity postmen and people who've featured in reality TV shows". Responding to questions about how these changes would fit with AS1967's Ofblog charter requirements, they claimed "fine, be like that. But don't blame us if no-one reads it any more and we're forced to close the blog, putting literally a single person out of work. Although technically they don't actually "work" rendering point entirely moot". 

This is the latest in a long line of increasingly desperate revamps for the troubled blog. It lost half of both its readers when it moved to being written topless. Further damage was caused when an attempt to market it as a lads blog, failed thanks to "lads" being transposed as "labs", causing bafflement and bewilderment to dog owners and experimental chemists everywhere. One expert claimed this could be a final throw of the dice "the next step is for them to become a 3D blog, although the technology to deliver this is both expensive and limited. Everyone, including those those with perfect vision will be forced to wear peculiar contraptions in front of their eyes, precariously balanced on the user with little more than ear holders and the top of the viewers nose for support. Although there has been great strides made in the performance of these devices, they are normally restricted to people who are either long or short sighted. The technology is therefore completely unproven". Analysts suggest if this revamp were to fail then the outlook is "bleak", most agreeing the likely outcome for AS1967 is for it to be used to sell Ipod accessories at greatly inflated prices.

You should, perhaps, be concerned if

- the bar you've walked into has karaoke advertised as starting at 9 am.
- you work for an organisation who've just posted a loss of £225 million.
- you work for HMV. 
- the burger you are about to eat is a tie in with a summer blockbuster.
- it claims to be something "flavour".
- your only hope of rescue is a deal with a Chinese car manufacturer.
- it costs you more than £2 a minute to answer the question you've been asked.
- their answer to 4 minus 2 isn't "2"
- it's a free scratch card with a peak rate telephone "winners hotline".
- it's damaged repaired. 
- it's reconditioned.
- the brand name isn't spelt quite the way you remember. 
- the unsolicited pop-up on the website says "trusted download".
- they claim to be either "Syrian" or "lesbian".
- the healthy option has more fat and salt than the unhealthy option.
- your Orange juice has had colouring added from something that isn't an Orange.
- your fruit flavour drink contains vegetable fat. 
- it has "modified starch" listed amongst the ingredients. Unless it is wallpaper paste.
- they associate sporting prowess with drinking fermented vegetable juice.
- they associate "extreme" sports with their chemical tasting energy drink.
- it's an "extreme" sport. 
- they use a local radio DJ to advertise their products. 
- Jools Holland likes them. 
- their latest album consists of cover versions and contains the word "Songbook"  
- what they do is prefixed with the word "celebrity."
- it is referred to as a "house spirit."
- they refer to Carlsberg as a "premium lager". 

Welcome To Fear. Part XII

Death by music festival

Vaguer than Eric "Vague" McVague. The least specific person in Ambiguous-ville

Long term readers (both of you) will have probably gathered that I'm fairly direct about things. A spade is always a spade, never a non-autonomous personal excavation contrivance. Yet here I am, just about to do the very thing I don't do. Indeed as this is all I'm going to post (at this point at least) it renders whatever it is I'm referring to completely meaningless. Or rather it would be meaningless if I wasn't flagging up the fact that it isn't. 

See? 

And all I'm prepared to offer up as way of an explanation is a quote I found a while ago, which rather neatly sums things up.

"Idealism is what precedes experience, cynicism is what follows." 

Or rather it almost sums things up.   

We used to sell music.

Just to mention this in passing but HMV (remember them?) have been granted a two year stay of execution by their creditors. This comes the day after I visited my local branch and noticed that they have reduced their CDs down to two half aisles. Or, to put this into context, roughly a sixth of the space they devote to DVDs and half the space they waste on Ipod accessories. 

Them lasting another two years seems hopelessly optimistic.