Angry Since 1967

The Concise AS1967

2012-01-22T18:39:00.002Z

And here we are. Out of sight and largely out of mind. There is a lot for me to write about. So here it is neatly summarised.

- The long drawn out death of HMV.

- The comedy league table of failed / failing retailers the BBC have created.

- Watching the transparent doublethink of several of these same retailers claim their decline in sales is good news because it wasn't as bad a decline in sales as they'd predicted.

- Pointing out the claim, repeated by the BBC, that company profit warnings are up by 70% is blatant misdirection.

- The charade that is the SACD release of Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here".

- My continued pursuit of High Def music.

- How this is being thwarted by skelping fuckers on ebay trying to sell Peter Gabriel SACD's for a few pennies shy of £100.

- Wondering why, if it is wrong for people to profit from illegal downloads, it isn't just as equally wrong for people to profit from selling second hand music, music which according to copyright law isn't actually theirs to sell?

- The moral rights and wrongs of downloading high def music which can't be purchased new, and is only available from the shysters above.

- Gurning how a property company and a shitty generic sub-premium "premium" clothes brand gazumped the only decent music shop in Belfast, forcing it to close.

- Crap product training which not only answers questions no customer ever asks, but then gets these answers wrong. LNB? Low Noise Blocker? Fucking morons

- Wondering who at Intel signed off training which compares the performance of an Intel based machine, running Excel, compared to the same machine with an AMD graphics card running Excel. Adding a graphics card makes no difference? No. Shit. Sherlock.

- More "Tales From The Public Domain™", including the rebooted Sherlock.

- More "Even an Eric Would Serve Me Well™" especially as we're in Oscar / BAFTA /FUCKOFFANDLEAVEMEALONE time.

- Wondering who decided that basing a Norwegian / Hebrew / Dutch customer service function for people who play FIFA' 12 in Belfast would fill a critical gap in the city's employment needs

- Remarking how a decision I made, in response to a short term problem, ended up defining the last twenty years.

- Thinking how completely fucking powerless I am to change things, and how despite going to extreme lengths to prevent it, I've ended up precisely were I started.

- Wondering, if the old saying "any port in a storm" is correct, why I always end up in Larne rather than Monaco?

- And death by bacon.

- And mutant bird flu.

We're BACK!

2012-01-09T17:06:00.000Z

Google have graciously consented to allowing Opera full access to Blogger's WYSIWYG editor. Does their beneficence know no bounds? Yeah that's what I think as well.

Even "Eric" would serve me well

2011-12-09T21:57:00.007Z

Did this ages ago then stopped. Awards ceremonies. Every single fucking day there is another different one. At the moment there are 5 stories on the BBC entertainment page about award ceremonies. I think there is a realisation that to stand out from the morass of awards which are now bandied around like a toddlers milkshake, simply announcing "this person won an award" doesn't cut it any more, so the other "award" things which now get coverage include;

Who designed the actual award trophy.
Who decided the winners.
Who is on selection jury.
Who complained about who is on the selection jury.
Who drew up the list the public get to pick from.
Who is hosting the award show.
Who hosted the awards show previously.
Who won't be hosting the award show.
Who is presenting an award.
Who isn't presenting an award.
Who sponsors the award.
Who sponsored the award last year.
Who changed the award categories.
Who complained about the changes to the award categories.
Who promised these changes weren't a sleight but reflected the current climate.
Who has been nominated.
Who hasn't been nominated.
Who was nominated, but withdrew due to who sponsors the award.
Who will win the "Lifetime achievement" award.
Who will present the "Lifetime achievement" award.
Who didn't win the "Lifetime achievement" award.
Who has fans campaigning online for a "Lifetime achievement" award
Who will be showing the awards ceremony.
Who won last year.
Who still hasn't won.
Who was present, even though they weren't nominated.
Who was wearing what.
Yet the most relevant one of all gets ignored.
Who fucking cares?

Welcome To Fear. Part XVI

2011-12-07T10:01:00.000Z

Death By Exercise

Angry Since 1967 Announces The Perpetual List Of Bands To Hear Next Year

2011-12-05T10:19:00.008Z

Fifteen entirely invented bands and singers have been named amongst Angry Since 1967s Perpetual List Of Bands To Hear Next Year.

The up-and-coming artists on this year's longlist range from "A Bit 80s Sounding", "We Sound Exactly The Same As An Old Band We Think No-One Remembers" to pop artists "Depressingly Predictable", "If This Doesn't Work I'll Be A Comedian Next. Or An Actor" and dance band "Clichéd, Aul Crap, Cached As A New Dance Sub-Genre".

"Bleeding-Edge, Ultra Kewl, Game Changing Producer Whose Name We Can't Say Without Climaxing. Forgotten Next Week", "Angst-y Singer Song Writer (Female)" and "Angst-y Singer Song Writer (Male)" also feature.

"Exotic Foreigner" and "Not Very Good, But Jesus! What A Tragic Back Story" have been backed for success after it was decided to straddle them with a suitably emotional and tragic back story, complete with a montage of black and white archive footage, accompanied by a nondescript Sigur Ros track (yes that one). Honestly? I was so touched by the cynicism I cried my lamps out. "A Blatant Clone Of A Currently Successful Artist" and "We'll Be Successful This Time. Promise" have also selected for success. Amongst the others are the runts of the litter "Box Ticked", "Something Faintly World Music-y" and "Token Nod To Metal" appearing just to make the numbers up, and as a vague acknowledgement that 97% of the good music currently produced doesn't fit into the neat little boxes the mainstream media thinks it should.

The "taste-maker" behind this selection AS 1967, is a producer*, TV presenter**, newspaper critic***, magazine editor**** and a respected blogger*****. He claimed, after being asked to make up some completely fictional bands, "I'm so fucking cool, which is the point isn't it? I mean this isn't about the music, it's about me proving I have my finger on the pulse. That I'm down with the kids. I mean, even if these bands did exist, what they sound like isn't as important as the image I, and the rest of the people selected for this are trying to portray"

When the top five is announced, as none of the bands exist, they won't be featured on the Angry Since website, nor will there be any broadcast sessions or interviews with any of the winners. Or rather there will be. As these identikit bands actually are, to all intents and purposes, "real". The narrow, predictable and pedestrian range of music from which these so called "experts" make their selections never varies, rendering the outcome inevitable. So there's little to be challenged by. Nothing very different. Nothing beyond a safe facsimile of what has gone before. Unending mediocrity lauded with feigned quasi-critical, and as yet unearned, acclaim.

Next year this will be rebranded the "Whoop-De-Fucking-Do" list, in an attempt to more accurately reflect the levels of excitement and anticipation the announcement generates.

The Complete List.

"A Bit 80s Sounding"
"We Sound Exactly The Same As An Old Band We Think No-One Remembers"
"Depressingly Predictable"
"If This Doesn't Work I'll Be A Comedian Next. Or An Actor"
"Clichéd, Aul Crap, Cached As A New Dance Sub-Genre"
"Bleeding-Edge, Ultra Kewl, Game Changing Producer Whose Name We Can't Say Without Climaxing. Forgotten Next Week"
"Angst-y Singer Song Writer (Female)"
"Angst-y Singer Song Writer (Male)"
"Exotic Foreigner"
"Not Very Good, But Jesus! What A Tragic Back Story"
"A Blatant Clone Of A Currently Successful Artist"
"We'll Be Successful This Time. Promise"
"Box Ticked"
"Something Faintly World Music-y"
"Token Nod To Metal"

The final result is expected in January, then repeated verbatim every year until the end of time.

*I stood behind a camera in 1990 directing traffic while an acquaintance videoed a concert.
**Appeared on Romper Room in the early 1970s.
***Slagged off TV programmes in a student newspaper many years ago.
****Cut photos out of football magazines in the 1970s
*****If you've read any of this blog, that should be self evident.

Yes I did post this last year. Which is kinda the point.

Welcome To Fear. Part XV

2011-11-29T19:39:00.000Z

Death By WiFi

Welcome To Fear. Part XIV

2011-11-23T22:55:00.004Z

Death By Soup

Another update

2011-11-23T07:45:00.004Z

Yes. So. And. More later. Perhaps. Or not. Who knows? The notion about blogging completely left me. Why? Because (starting a sentence with "because?" will I ever learn) this thing having to use another browser seems an awful rigmarole just so I can post another inarticulate rant. In fact it might just be the deal breaker for AS1967. Although there's also a more pervasive feeling, which I can't shake off, that I'd get just as much satisfaction from shouting at myself in the mirror.

What happened there?

2011-11-14T22:44:00.006Z

I've literally not been inundated with messages from people wondering what happened. Why, they don't ask, has Angry SInce 1967 not been updated for so long?

There's a simple response. The gabshites at Google removed Opera from its list of supported browsers, meaning if I wanted to post using it, I had to learn HTML. HTML? To post on a WYSIWYG editor? You must be fecking joking. Except they aren't. So here I am begrudgingly using another browser to post this missive*.

It's a bollocks. Make no mistake.

*which can't even display this simple text screen properly without adding an extra space in front of this blog post's title. Magic isn't it?

Welcome To Fear. Part XIII

2011-10-11T09:35:00.000+01:00

Death By Vitamin Tablets

Absolutely the best Odds and Sods post in the World Ever! This Month! Part Two

2011-09-27T20:01:00.006+01:00

Yeah another one of those mix and match posts I call odds and sods.

Keen readers (those left) may have noticed I haven't mentioned the words "recruitment" or "agency" for a while. Two reasons for this; it was boring me rigid whinging about the same thing all the time, and I've managed to get a job. Now when I say 'job' I mean that in the "any port in a storm' sense rather than the 'the next stage in my career'. The details of where and why aren't that important (trust me) although I now have first hand experience of the old saying "never go back'.

Another thing I haven't written about in ages is HMV. Why? Again I think I've discussed it through, and another progress report on its demise doesn't really add anything. Anyway the real action will take place after Christmas.

I was reading an article earlier on the BBC site about educational attainment in Northern Ireland. The gist of the piece is that NI's education system isn't as great as we are led to believe. The detail doesn't really interest me very much but one sentence just stuck me as good an example of "stating the fucking obvious" as I've ever seen. "There is a marked difference between highest and lowest performing students and a significant long tail of under achievement." claims a well regarded Prof. Now just roll that sentence around in your head for a moment. So there's a difference between the highest and the lowest. Cheers for pointing that out Prof. I'd never have worked that one out on my own.

My pursuit of SACD's has taken on a life of its own. The prices of the discs on ebay are little short of bewildering. I've seen Peter Gabriel's "So" for £79.99. I kinda kick myself now when I recall the mountains of these SACDs which Fopp in Cambridge had for sale. God knows what I was thinking about not buying them. There are bargains to be had - a new copy of the rare as hens teeth collectors SACD version of Depeche Mode's "Violator" was picked up for a £10. I couldn't believe I got it for so little. The guy in Head in Belfast was bemused when I told him the price second hand versions were going for. Although I think he was even more baffled by what SACD was. A week later I picked up an even rarer Can SACD in the same place for a fraction of the cost of one on ebay. Now? I've taken to trawling the second hand shops for them. Just in the off chance. The point is - they sound absolutely incredible so it is well worth the effort. "Violator" sounds like nothing else, and renders the CD version as unlistenable as MW radio. I described it elsewhere as being like someone wiping the Windolene from a dirty window. And it is. Only better than that.

Angry Since 1967 'to split'?

2011-09-25T00:13:00.013+01:00

Rumours are circulating 'Angry Since 1967' will split after its next post. While the full details have yet to emerge it seems 'Angry Since' will attempt to go-it-alone, without "1967'. Word reaches us that 'Angry Since' has been trying to gain the exclusive rights to the blog. An insider claimed the site had been "riven" with internal disagreements. Recent attempts at relaunches and "reconciliation" between the two camps had been 'abject failures'. "Angry Since' just doesn't think "1967" is doing its fair share any more". Questions as to the blog's future were further fuelled by the recent public spat when "Angry Since" claimed it was carrying '1967'. "They've contributed nothing in the last two years, beyond dangling their numerals at the end of our words". Although denials were issued, and claims the quote was taken 'out of context by the media' it seems an announcement concerning '1967s' continued participation is imminent.

A commentator makes wild stabbing guesses at what possible outcomes await the protagonists.

It seems incredible to consider that something which has had such a massive impact could be about to come to an end. I'm sure we can all remember the first time we encountered 'Angry Since 1967'. How we marvelled at its growth, from humble roots into the globe spanning behemoth it is now. The impact this blog has had on our lives is almost incalculable. Indeed It is hard to imagine a world without "Angry Since 1967". Like you, I find it difficult to comprehend such a thing. That said, there has been a sense a peak has been passed. Recent posts, which have been proclaimed as "stunning returns to form" by some, seem to lack the old bite, preferring (seemingly) to fixate on bewildering obscurist parodies* and in-jokes no-one gets. So what of the two camps? While "Angry Since' is most likely to succeed and prosper, it is much more difficult to see what '1967' can do on its own. Cast adrift, perhaps a career on the celebrity TV circuit awaits? What an ignominious irony that would be. One question, begging an answer, is whether the whispers about "Angry Since" sounding out other years are true. The well documented relationship which has developed between 'Angry Since' and 1979 has been a source of much speculation, and although "Angry Since 1979" does sound odd, it does have a certain comforting familiarity. The one thing we can be certain of is that in this period of uncertainty nothing is certain any more.

* Which is exactly what this is. Although telegraphing it as such rather defeats the point I'm making**. That's why this sentence is down here. With an asterisk.
** Although, and on reflection, not as much as actually stating the fact that I'm making a point about defeating the point***
***That's the sort of comment which could, if followed to its logical conclusion, tie people in metaphysical knots .So I'll give over.

Thinking the unthinkable about Unthink

2011-09-20T10:16:00.005+01:00

A new social networking site has set up - Unthink, After much ho-ha it's there for all to see. And? Well I'm unaccountably reminded of Current TV. Same vaguely defined, yet lofty goals contrasting with the bollox reality of their provision. Take these two examples from their about page

"Unthinker...never lose sight of their potential, hate stale thinking, never tolerate intrusive or wasteful behavior and actively participate in shaping our future."

And

"All Unthinkers ...have adopted a win-for-all attitude, People - Business - Nature, and use the UNTHINK TREE to communicate ‘In Partnership with Nature’"

Clearly unthinking is a prerequisite for participation with this crowd, as anyone with a semblance of rational thought should wonder; what the fuck are they talking about? This reads as a cross of new age guff (complete with its crystal energy, magic beans and spiritual trees), the mission statement of the worst type of company to work for (Publicly? Cuddly. Internally? Run like a Stalinist gulag), an irony free reading of Orwell's 'newspeak' and the unspecific intonations of fortune tellers and psychics.

I think I'll pass.

Blogger - Singing Opera's Finale?

2011-09-11T20:38:00.006+01:00

You may have noticed that my posting has dropped away. Two reasons for this - I'm not feeling very inspired (no change there then) and, more problematically, Google have decided to stop supporting Opera* (that's Opera the browser not the other sort, although they've probably done that as well - just for a laugh). What to say about Google? That their status as "loveable internet geeks" has been transformed to "a bunch of tyrannical fuckers, only interested in controlling and logging every single part of your online life". They bought You Tube and Blogger and introduced a browser. Then, to "simplify things" forced you to create a single account for all of them. As I'm logged into Blogger, I'm now logged into Google and You Tube. Why? Why do they think I need, or more fucking importantly, want this? But like anything you learn to deal with it. Or I did until last weekend when I logged in to post some bollox about the BBC Proms; Only to be greeted with a little thing asking me to "try the updated blogger interface". And do you know what? It doesn't work in my browser of choice - Opera. Now you could say "big deal. Download Chrome and be done with it" but I'd respond "why?" It worked previously, I didn't get any notice it was changing, so why should I? It's hard not to be cynical, but it strikes me that by forcing Opera users to switch to their browser they are, in effect, trying to undermine a competitor. Microsoft tried the same thing by blocking access to Hotmail from Opera a few years ago. It didn't end well for them. Looks like someone hasn't learned from their expensive mistake.

So why do I use Opera? Initially it was to wind people up. A previous employer, a company who only knew the price of things, not how much they cost, decided to move from Microsoft Exchange to a thing called Zimbra for the email and calendars. Why? Because it was free and 'Open Source' - something which delighted a certain individual who'd been employed to..er..to...no it'll come to me...no....tip of my tongue...nope, 'fraid I can't work out what they did, beyond sitting in the sunshine photosynthesising and making the odd wibbling noise. So Zimbra - Open Source - it'll work with any browser except IE. So I downloaded Opera just to see. Delightfully it didn't work. Cue furrowed lower lips and burrrring noises. Then they locked down the PCs just in case we'd download porn or something. Opera updates much more regularly than other browsers. The admin guy must have spent an hour every month just getting it updated. So I have to admit I downloaded Opera entirely for badness (and before anyone gets the idea - my fate with this company had been sealed long, long before this) but, shock horror, it turned out I liked it. Now? I'm so used to the mouse gestures I find myself trying them on software which doesn't support them. Odd that. So you'd imagine in the face of this bollox from Google I'd do something similar. You'd be right

Angry Since 1967 faces "legal challenge"

2011-08-25T12:57:00.013+01:00

The long running legal battles between hi-tech companies took another turn this morning when Angry SInce 1967 became the latest to become embroiled. Citing "misappropriation of the capital "A", one particularly litigious company claimed that such a prominent site using a name starting with the letter A was likely to "cause confusion in the mind of the consumer". They further accused Angry Since 1967 of "deliberately following the first letter with three consonants, all of which which appear in the same alphabet our as our brand name. We find this particularly questionable as the word in question is also 5 letters long, There seems doubt that this is an attempt to cash in on the reputation of our brand. We will not allow any one to piggy back on our image of free spirited commune dwellers, consisting of of dope smoking, Grateful Dead liking hippies, travelling Southern California in a battered VW Camper, looking for somewhere to surf". In papers seen by sources they also allege "1967" used numbers which "may, or may not, at some point previously, or at some point in the future, be exploited as branding, or potential branding, for products we may or may not produce". They also point to concerns about using a word containing an "I", on the basis that some of their next generation product names may also feature a similar vowel. Commenting on this one analyst claimed that a judge would likely find in someone's favour. Or it would be thrown out. "It's an easy way of getting publicity. And it's cheaper than advertising because it generates its own copy, as page after dreary page of this nonsense gets debated and then re-debated on sites like the BBC."

On the news, shares in both companies enjoyed a caravanning holiday in Groomsport.

Angry Since 1967 Since August 2006

2011-08-24T18:09:00.019+01:00

I've been having some problems trying to figure out an appropriate way to look back over the first 5 years of "Angry Since 1967". A light hearted procession of anecdotes? An "Angry Since 1967 Top 50 Greatest Moments" show on Channel 4, featuring people who've become celebs since this post? A range of commemorative crockery? A book of my greatest posts, now in annotated form? A Directors cut, re-mastered, re-released, complete with "never before seen" storyboards, a commentary track and an alternative ending? Articles about how "Angry Since 1967" changed everything? A newspaper column by someone claiming they saw it first? Another claiming it isn't any good now and how they hanker for the old days? A street party? Fireworks? A big mural? An honorary degree? A week of concerts? A grandiose statue? A triumph through the streets of Belfast? Or just another pithy post, short on coherence, which makes even less sense than usual?

Can you guess which one I finally picked?

Now That's What I Call "Odds and Sods" Vol 20

2011-08-18T22:29:00.003+01:00

Any who.

I look forward to the headline "Increasing Decline Steadies" as it would neatly encapsulate the nonsense of the stock market. The predictions of boom, then bust, then boom, have taken on the air of an Breakfast TV astrologer in a bad knitted jumper. With one key distinction - at least astrology has a firm basis in fact*.

I did howl at the BBC's (and others) publication of a survey which proved Internet Explorer users were thick. Not because they swallowed this nonsense hook, line and sinker, rather that it took so long for them to be finally caught out.

I was dandering around Belfast's Saturday Food Market. Among the stuff for sale was a jar of Organic Salt. Harvested, no doubt, from a free range quarry.

*when I say "fact", I mean that in the "it's utter bollox" sense.

OMGZ! LOLZ! ROFL! WTF? ETC!

2011-07-22T16:50:00.009+01:00

Move along there's nothing to see here. Although, and in fairness, at least it is a video featuring someone - Carole Hersee to be precise. Granted she's holding a piece of chalk, playing Noughts and Crosses against a toy clown, rather than telling you how many people haven't read your Facebake profile. But, as anyone who has ever clicked on any of those links which claim to do such things will know, this is probably just as accurate.

EXCLUSIVE! AS1967 discusses the future of "Angry Since 1967" in his own words

2011-07-18T16:45:00.008+01:00

Contraitioned sinctionlary. Dispotispic uxtirnel? Yiaps.

Today's figure pulled from the "cost to the economy" hat is

2011-07-15T10:24:00.002+01:00

"Millions"

If ever there was an example of the bollox at the core of stories like this, then here it is. No figures, no proof, just a suggestion that something might, under certain circumstances, cost somebody something. And yet, there it is published in all its unchallenged glory, destined to be quoted as a substantiated source, not because it is a substantiated source, but because it has had this legitimacy conferred by implication; "It's on the BBC so it must be true"

Angry Since 1967 Sky acquistion "possible"

2011-07-13T20:39:00.012+01:00

We can exclusively reveal that Angry Since 1967 is examining its "options" with consideration to purchasing Sky. Details of the offer, which sources indicate may extend to the acquisition of a Sky Plus HD box and a multiroom subscription, have caused shockwaves within Virgin Media, who many considered the clear favourites for this lucrative contract. One analyst claimed that while "Angry Since 1967" had gone through a period of "uncertainty", the recent termination of its contract with O2 for its broadband provision and the subsequent move to Virgin Media showed an altogether more "focused stance" than they had come to expect. This decision they claim, followed by the resignation of several people in O2 reported at the time as temporary contracts ending, shows "a willingness to change". Virgin Media seemed well poised to benefit from AS1967 new strategy, and speculation was mounting that they, rather than Sky, would be confirmed as AS1967s TV supplier. "If Sky have in secured the deal then it would be something of a surprise." Although no-one from Angry Since 1967 was available for comment, one well placed source claimed that AS1967s "reliance" on Freeview was now considered "untenable" as the "reception is bollocks" meaning they can't "record anything without it becoming a mess of pixelated interference" so they just want something which "bloody well works, even if it does cost me an extra £20 a month"

Shares in both companies remained unchanged.

"Beleaguered" blog denies "takeover" plans on "agenda"

2011-07-11T12:35:00.001+01:00

Beleaguered blog Angry Since 1967 has been forced to deny rumours of a takeover. Speaking earlier a spokesperson claimed "A takeover? Have you taken leave of your senses? Oh right I get it, you are now going to just ask me random questions, hoping to get a denial , the existence of which legitimises the original outlandish claim". Commenting further he also denied rumours of plans to invade China, an Angry Since 1967 manned mission to Jupiter and the invention of cold fusion using nothing more than a 7-Up soaked tampon and some chalk. Responding to this latter statement a physicist claimed Angry Since 1967's denial of involvement in cold fusion experiments would "fuel" speculation that Angry Since 1967 are on the cusp of "something", although they wouldn't be drawn if this would be sustainable cold fusion or just a sticky, faintly lemon and lime smelling, female sanitary product.

Ravaged blog "concedes" hacking allegations.

2011-07-10T13:10:00.002+01:00

AS1967 was embroiled in further controversy last night following an admission that it previously engaged in "hacking". This bombshell follows recent revelations about the blogs declining readership and resultant financial cut backs. Conceding the point, AS1967 admitted that "hacking" had been endemic in the past. "I now freely admit I hacked people. In my defence though, this was entirely due to my lack of skill at football, particularly went it came to tackling." Pressed on the point, AS1967 denied "hacking" still occurred. "At my age? Have you seen the shape of me? I haven't hacked anyone since I retreated back to nets".

Troubled blog announces "cost cutting measure"

2011-07-06T23:15:00.011+01:00

Embattled blog Angry Since 1967 has, following the publication of its latest figures, announced a range of cost cutting measures, the most controversial being a reduction in the number of vowels used per posting. Speaking exclusively Angry Since 1967 claimed the recent hike in the cost of vowels was "unacceptable" and demanded action from the government. "We think it is appalling that every time we use a vowel the government adds a 60% levy. What we are asking for, especially in light of the recent punitive increases in the cost of exclamation marks, is for the government to either pick something else to tax, or ask the vowel producing nations to up production. These recent cost increases, exacerbated by the global shortage in the lower case "u's", has encouraged speculators to move in, sensing a way to make easy profits. The Government seems unwilling to acknowledge they can help ease the pressure"

Statistics suggest 3 letters out of 5 go straight to the Government, something which has long been a source of friction. This was most visibly demonstrated during the recent "recite the alphabet slowly" campaign which brought several large regional dialects of English to a virtual halt. Campaigners claim, unlike other nations where tax breaks are available for those who use random umlauts or circumflexes, the UK is out of sync with the rest of Europe; "We are being penalised simply to fill the deficit left when the EU banned governments from taxing the use of single digit prime numbers". Angry Since 1967 would not be drawn on possible responses, although speculation is mounting that it will shortly abandon vowels altogether and start publishing its posts in Welsh.

"Embattled" blog announces relaunch and revamp.

2011-07-05T20:54:00.013+01:00

Following disappointing reading figures AS1967 has undergone another major revamp. In a letter meant for staff members only, the change in editorial focus, repositioning the blog as a celebrity news site, is described as "drinking at the last chance fucking saloon sunshine." It continues, claiming they have "decided to pin the blame for the decrease in readership on internet piracy and the recession, despite it being entirely our own fault". To counter this decline they claim that "after 3 seconds consideration, we've decided the one sure way to keep AS1967 afloat until it's bailed out by a Russian billionaire, is to follow the herd and fill this becalmed whale of a thing with the minutia of the lives of former soap stars, celebrity postmen and people who've featured in reality TV shows". Responding to questions about how these changes would fit with AS1967's Ofblog charter requirements, they claimed "fine, be like that. But don't blame us if no-one reads it any more and we're forced to close the blog, putting literally a single person out of work. Although technically they don't actually "work" rendering point entirely moot".

This is the latest in a long line of increasingly desperate revamps for the troubled blog. It lost half of both its readers when it moved to being written topless. Further damage was caused when an attempt to market it as a lads blog, failed thanks to "lads" being transposed as "labs", causing bafflement and bewilderment to dog owners and experimental chemists everywhere. One expert claimed this could be a final throw of the dice "the next step is for them to become a 3D blog, although the technology to deliver this is both expensive and limited. Everyone, including those those with perfect vision will be forced to wear peculiar contraptions in front of their eyes, precariously balanced on the user with little more than ear holders and the top of the viewers nose for support. Although there has been great strides made in the performance of these devices, they are normally restricted to people who are either long or short sighted. The technology is therefore completely unproven". Analysts suggest if this revamp were to fail then the outlook is "bleak", most agreeing the likely outcome for AS1967 is for it to be used to sell Ipod accessories at greatly inflated prices.

You should, perhaps, be concerned if

2011-06-26T13:02:00.013+01:00

- the bar you've walked into has karaoke advertised as starting at 9 am.
- you work for an organisation who've just posted a loss of £225 million.
- you work for HMV.
- the burger you are about to eat is a tie in with a summer blockbuster.
- it claims to be something "flavour".
- your only hope of rescue is a deal with a Chinese car manufacturer.
- it costs you more than £2 a minute to answer the question you've been asked.
- their answer to 4 minus 2 isn't "2"
- it's a free scratch card with a peak rate telephone "winners hotline".
- it's damaged repaired.
- it's reconditioned.
- the brand name isn't spelt quite the way you remember.
- the unsolicited pop-up on the website says "trusted download".
- they claim to be either "Syrian" or "lesbian".
- the healthy option has more fat and salt than the unhealthy option.
- your Orange juice has had colouring added from something that isn't an Orange.
- your fruit flavour drink contains vegetable fat.
- it has "modified starch" listed amongst the ingredients. Unless it is wallpaper paste.
- they associate sporting prowess with drinking fermented vegetable juice.
- they associate "extreme" sports with their chemical tasting energy drink.
- it's an "extreme" sport.
- they use a local radio DJ to advertise their products.
- Jools Holland likes them.
- their latest album consists of cover versions and contains the word "Songbook"
- what they do is prefixed with the word "celebrity."
- it is referred to as a "house spirit."
- they refer to Carlsberg as a "premium lager".

Welcome To Fear. Part XII

2011-06-21T23:25:00.000+01:00

Death by music festival

Vaguer than Eric "Vague" McVague. The least specific person in Ambiguous-ville

2011-06-13T17:32:00.003+01:00

Long term readers (both of you) will have probably gathered that I'm fairly direct about things. A spade is always a spade, never a non-autonomous personal excavation contrivance. Yet here I am, just about to do the very thing I don't do. Indeed as this is all I'm going to post (at this point at least) it renders whatever it is I'm referring to completely meaningless. Or rather it would be meaningless if I wasn't flagging up the fact that it isn't.

See?

And all I'm prepared to offer up as way of an explanation is a quote I found a while ago, which rather neatly sums things up.

"Idealism is what precedes experience, cynicism is what follows."

Or rather it almost sums things up.

We used to sell music.

2011-06-07T16:17:00.003+01:00

Just to mention this in passing but HMV (remember them?) have been granted a two year stay of execution by their creditors. This comes the day after I visited my local branch and noticed that they have reduced their CDs down to two half aisles. Or, to put this into context, roughly a sixth of the space they devote to DVDs and half the space they waste on Ipod accessories.

Them lasting another two years seems hopelessly optimistic.

Welcome To Fear. Part XI

2011-05-31T19:13:00.000+01:00

Death By Mobile Phone

Feedback?

2011-05-26T19:15:00.006+01:00

I've had an feedback back from a recruitment agency. Granted they only sent it after some not so subtle cajoling. This despite a prior assurance that they didn't do business "like those other agencies you have been dealing with". "Hell", I thought "its better than nothing". Or maybe not. It seems I don't meet their "exacting requirements". Then, in a poetic demonstration of their own "exacting requirements", 10 minutes later I received the same email, this time from someone else.

Quite.

Welcome To Fear. Part X

2011-05-24T07:48:00.000+01:00

Death by Vuvuzela

Welcome To Fear. Part IX

2011-05-06T09:36:00.002+01:00

Death by nose blowing

I wouldn't mind if it was Nobel. Day Three

2011-04-29T14:14:00.000+01:00

I'm going to make a slight change to this. Now that the BBC entertainment news pages are almost now exclusively devoted to reporting / hyping Awards ceremonies I've decided only to mention those which merit mentions on the BBC's general news pages. Why? Simple. I think I've made my point.

I wouldn't mind if it was Nobel. Day Two

2011-04-28T11:38:00.000+01:00

Another thought struck me about this. Perhaps I was a bit hasty in saying awards ceremonies get three hits at coverage. Some get four. So where does this extra one come from? Announcing the make-up of the jury which decides the results. Such and such made chair of Awards Ceremony jury. So and so on Awards Ceremony jury. The stories write themselves.

I wouldn't mind if it was Nobel....

2011-04-27T21:03:00.005+01:00

And just to prove the point. Today's other winner. Of an Award. For photography,

The question arises though. Broadly speaking both these awards cover the same thing. So which one is better? Perhaps there should be some sort of play off? Or, in true Gadget Show / Top Gear style, a series of increasingly outlandish, and decreasingly funny challenges to decide which one is "actually" the best*.

*Now there's an idea for a TV show. And it makes more sense than a robotic hare chasing people around a TV studio. Or at least, it makes as much sense as that does.

I wouldn't mind if it was Nobel....

2011-04-27T12:01:00.008+01:00

And today's winner is....

Just to explain. I can't be the only one to have noticed the explosion in awards ceremonies. It seems a day now doesn't pass without someone winning something. Now I'm not going to dispute the validity of the winners winning, I mean who am I to judge? Rather I'm more interested in the fact that there are so many bloody awards to pick from now. It would be entirely possible for the BBC news site to feature surveys which prove what they were designed to prove, the latest threat to your health, how much something cost the economy and a feature on some awards ceremony. Which, if cutely managed, gets three hits - the announcement of the shortlist, the pre-announcement of the "special" winners and then the actual winners themselves. I'm not one to say it, but there is now a self perpetuating awards industry. I think the only logical way to recognise the sterling work they do is by having an award they can compete for. Then we'd finally know which one is the most worthy*.

*Of course what confuses things is that the remit of many of these awards is defined so narrowly that there's barely enough of a choice to make a shortlist. For example one for "Best Blog Called Angry Since 1967". Not that I'd stoop to that....

One social media thing down, a few more to go.

2011-04-24T16:10:00.005+01:00

I was going to write something about twitter, in the style of a twitter post. But then I realised, mimicking the 140 character limit means I

Today's figure pulled out of the "cost to the economy hat" is

2011-04-11T14:10:00.002+01:00

Up to* £280 Billion per year. Or is it up to £55 Billion? Who knows?

*I love the caveat "up to". I've mentioned before the nonsense-ese this phrase encapsulates when Head And Shoulders used "up to 100%" to claim how good their shampoo was at removing dandruff.. This little term is like some fantastically powerful algebraic function which can be used to generate any end figure you like without ever having to demonstrate how you actually reached it. But it doesn't stop there. I can claim. quite accurately, the grade I achieved in may French "O" Level was "up to an A". Which, when you think about it, sounds a hell of a lot better than a "U"?

It's SPEND, SPENDS, SPENT.

2011-04-11T13:54:00.004+01:00

Am I the only person to have noticed how the words "spend", "spends" and "spent" have become, in media parlance at least, euphemisms for wasting money? You know the sort of thing. Local council "spends" an amount on something. The inference? The money is being squandered. You can be damn sure if you see the word "spend" or a derivative of it, especially IN CAPITALS then the people writing the article don't approve of the expenditure.

Revenge of The Odds And Sods II

2011-04-07T13:18:00.008+01:00

Bit of housekeeping.

I see HMV has acquired the epithets "troubled" and "embattled". The word "failed" can't be too far away.

As I mentioned yesterday I've been thinking of rebranding the site in an effort to make it more in line with the current clamour for "digital activism". To this end I'd redrafted my profile description, adding the word "aspiring". Suddenly I was transformed from a bile drenched cynic to an "edgy social commentator and aspiring Journalist". I love the magical power of words to create whichever fictional identity you want. "Lost" becomes "misplaced", "found" becomes "revealed" and "pie in the sky, fantasy you've no hope of ever achieving" becomes "aspiring". Then I decided against it. People* wouldn't realise I was taking the piss.

*I'd like to say a big HELLO to Dreamworks SKG** by the way. They were on here a couple of days ago. No doubt they were so inspired by what they read that a movie version of this site has already been greenlit. I'm looking forward to Angry Since 1967 3D. Can you get Jennifer Connelly to play the love interest please?

**Of course by Dreamworks SKG I mean someone from a domain purporting to be Dreamworks SKG, which as anyone familiar with how the internet works will know this is something to be treated with scepticism. If it was them though I suspect they were on checking to see if I had any dodgy links to download hooky versions of their movies rather than seeking inspiration.***

***It's a bit of a meander this one. God knows why. I'll put it down to too many fine German ales last night.

Angry Since 1967 likes this.

2011-04-06T11:55:00.002+01:00

I'd been thinking about rebranding myself as a "Digital Activist". But then I realised that there's more to activism (the whole "active" root of the word "activist" for starters) than responding to a hashtag on Twitter. If Twitter had existed during the French Revolution "#StormTheBastille" would have 400,000 followers, a You Tube channel, an app for your iphone (Angry Peasants?) and lots of likes on Facebook.

And France would be a monarchy to this day.

The 200th*

2011-04-01T21:10:00.003+01:00

So 200 posts then. Who would have thought it possible? Certainly not me. I reckoned I'd be bored with this blogging thing after about a month, so that I'm still posting here 4 1/2 years later is quite an achievement (obviously I use the term "achievement" in its "winning a music award presented by a magazine" or "an endeavour badge for failing to swim 10 metres" sense). Of course that I'm howling about the same things I was way back in the summer of 2006 says something as well. What that might be isn't immediately clear though. No doubt the profundity of this fact will present itself at some indeterminate moment in the future. In the meantime? Well there seems little point in worrying about it.

*Seasoned AS1967 readers will probably realise something more substantial is brewing. Although "stewing" is probably be a more accurate description. At the moment, I'm trying to make something currently unreadable into something more palatable, much as you would if you had a big bottle of Bile flavoured Quosh which has to be diluted with 5 parts water before it can be safely consumed..

Today's figure pulled out of "Cost to the Economy" hat is

2011-03-14T19:41:00.000Z

£280m. Per day.

Welcome To Fear. Part VIII

2011-03-08T07:15:00.000Z

Death by recycled cardboard.

Welcome To Fear. Part VII

2011-03-01T17:29:00.003Z

At last we know the answer to the question Dr Pepper posed.

Yeah I know...

2011-02-22T17:22:00.005Z

I want to move home. Location dependent on TV show.

I want to stay at home, but it needs a lick of paint. Any chance?

I've an old watch. How much will you give me for it?

I've £20 to spend on junk at a car boot sale. Can someone help me choose something I can then sell on for a profit?

I can win money playing 50/50 or participating in a quiz where the odds are completely loaded against me.

I think this celeb is great / bad because of something in today's paper.

Once hailed as the most important US import on TV.

I've invited complete strangers around for dinner so I can win money.

I've had an accident and I wasn't to blame. Can anyone help?

I want to know where I can get the best deal on insurance?

Something more important than what we are currently reporting on is scrolling across the bottom of the screen. Look! More breaking news!

Cookery.

More cookery.

Rerun of twee UK crime show.

And now the Six O'clock News.

And repeat 5 days a week.

Today's figure pulled out of "Cost to the Economy" hat is

2011-02-17T11:02:00.003Z

£27 Billion

Just One Other Thing

2011-02-13T22:29:00.002Z

When TV stations can't think of anything to fill their schedules with they simply dust down old episodes of US Cop shows and hope no-one notices.

And so, finding myself in a similar position, You Tube let's me do the same.

Angry Since 1967 Costs UK Economy Tens Of Pence.

2011-02-06T00:13:00.013Z

A leading financial organisation claimed Angry Since 1967 was costing the UK economy 30p a week in time otherwise used for more productive things like watching TV, scratching your hole, or wondering if you've left the iron on. Their chief economist said "We've calculated that the time wasted reading Angry Since 1967 costs the UK economy some 30p a week. You'll note this figure is neither 29p nor 31p but exactly 30p. And if that doesn't tell you all you need to know then no amount of hinting will make it clear. I mean come on. Isn't it obvious? We just pluck these figures out of the air. It doesn't matter if it's the cost of bad weather, money wasted by people having a shit or time spent on Angry Since 1967, no-one ever asks the fundamental question of "how precisely did you work that out?" Instead they simply accept the figures we publish and build the story to fit. Yes we, and our colleagues in other companies, may have the word "Economics", "Finance", "Consultancy" or "Analyst" in our organisations name but that doesn't mean you should simply take every single word issued as the unchallengeable gospel truth. I mean, come on? No one can, with any real accuracy, know how much it costs the economy when it snows. Or rains. Or when it didn't snow. Or rain. Yet we can. To the nearest round figure. The laughs we've had watching as the media report the bollox we produce as if it was based on tangible, methodical research. Consider this. Do you think a large commercial organisation would really devote the necessary resources of time and money to produce figures they know will never be challenged? Or that adverse weather conditions somehow don't impact us, meaning that while everyone else shivers, we have the resources in staff and time to produce figures based on painstaking research?"

When asked what the future held the spokesman said "We'll be releasing figures next next week which will make for interesting reading. We've quantified the the cost to the economy of these "cost to the economy" reports. We estimate it to be in the region of at least £37 million, or £5 million, or £5.40, although the final figure won't be known until we pick it out of our big hat".

More than words*.

2011-02-03T12:23:00.006Z

Odd one this. I have that feeling I should be posting something more substantial than another "oo-ee look at the fearmongering bollox on the BBC website" but, and this is a shocking admission, I can't think of anything. So this post is about nothing. It is a phantom, a notion of a post. I'm sure you can imagine how it would go. Howling derision, impotent finger waggling and metaphorical eye rolling directed at some seemingly unimportant thing which I kid myself into thinking reveals an inner truth, but that actually doesn't reveal the truth (inner or otherwise) at all. Now some might claim that this post says more, by saying nothing at all, than my usual 500 word rants. And that's fair enough. But then I'd have to conclude that this nebulous "some" include followers of the noted Irish philosopher Ronan Keating amongst their number.

Exactly.

*No. The other one.

Welcome to Fear. Part VI

2011-01-30T16:52:00.000Z

3D Television poses possible risk to health

Welcome To Fear. Part V

2011-01-29T09:09:00.000Z

Death by Art installation

And win £200

2011-01-23T11:18:00.000Z

With stuff like this and this appearing on it, I'd like to know when the BBC News site became an extension of "You've Been Framed?"

Sorry about this...

2011-01-19T16:24:00.002Z

But I can't let this go uncommented. HMV has had the terms of its credit insurance reviewed. Management Today report it's actually been withdrawn from several of its key suppliers. As I was made redundant almost directly as the result the exact same thing happening to client of the company I used to work for, I can only imagine the ensuing panic this news has generated with HMV, despite their protestations to the contrary.

If the vultures weren't already circling, then they are at least being fuelled and readied for flight.

Recent Customer Service Failings on Angry Since 1967

2011-01-16T23:54:00.007Z

Following recent revelations “Angry Since 1967” would like to assure its reader that Customer Service is something we only pay lip service when we have to. Further we will use a predictable excuse if our piss awful service is revealed on a TV consumer programme. To this end we’d like to assure our user the recent isolated problems which some people may have experienced are entirely due to the previous owners of this site, the staff have been retrained, the software glitch has been resolved, best practice guidelines have been issued, our supplier contracts have been renegotiated, and the people involved have been disciplined. We also acknowledge our culpability by admitting that a dog ate our corporate homeworks.

We treat all customer service complaints raised via TV consumer programmes entirely on the merits of how many people might watch the show. So if you are from a show on BBC1 shown on a weekday morning you might as well paint your arse purple and wave it at the passing traffic for all the good it will do. Alternatively if you appear at peak time on a minority channel, and have gone to the trouble of having a hidden camera secreted about your person and disguising yourself with a long wig so you can experience the shocking truth at first hand, we will still ignore your whinging. At this point we'd recommend organising a march with placards to our Head Office. Here you will be refused admission, allowing for the entirely predictable shot of the presenter tutting about how no-one in the company seems interested in the not really very “shocking” issue they’ve uncovered. Thus allowing the presenter to achieve their ultimate goal – a career enhancing apotheosis to a “Consumer Champion”. If, to seal the deal, you require a picture of you being escorted from the premises by a security guard, let us know in advance and we can have a suitable individual in attendance to assist you in getting the required shot.

While the public statements we make, when issues such as these come to light, will continue to have the veneer of contrition, you can be confident that however sincere they appear, we will continue to engage in these activities. Of course these practices will be subtly adjusted and redefined, but they will remain our policy until the next prune faced busy body sticks their interfering nose in, mistakenly believing they, unlike the preceding line of presenters who tried and failed, will be the person who stamps out these long established sharp practices once and for all.

Statement Ends.

Saturday Night's Alright (For Posting).

2011-01-16T00:31:00.003Z

You know that moment when you spot something so obvious that you haven't ever noticed it before? Well that's happened this evening. I've decided I now want a flat in warehouse conversion. Not because it may, or may not be a great place to live, but rather to move into the lucrative "somewhere to shoot the talking head to camera in a Top 100, Best Comedy Show or some other cheap bollox Channel 4 fill the long spaces in their schedules between "Come Dine With Me" and "Grand Designs". I'd even provide my own camera, saving them some cash. Christ if they were really skint I'd sit there and go "Fuck Stretch Armstrong / East 17 / Are You Being Served / Milli Vanilli, what was going on there?", while pretending to care what the fuck the show is about. If needs be I could probably scratch together a minor comedian who once appeared in a smug panel or a woman famous for baring all in Maxim just as that whole "Ladette" thing died on it's arse.

Sorry I can't think of a title

2011-01-14T10:05:00.002Z

There's a truism (and if there isn't there should be) that if you are bored writing something, then people will be bored reading it. And that's what I've realised about this stuff about HMV. So I'm going to give it a rest for a while. There's plenty else I can write about, such as the news the BBC are to produce yet another Charles Dickens adaptation. Something, I'm sure we all agree, we don't need. Its commissioning demonstrates a couple of things, the stultifying lack of imagination at the heart of UK TV drama and the vice like grip the public domain has on what we see on TV. I can't wait to miss it.

The best "Odds and Ends" post in the World EVER (Volume 2)*

2011-01-13T12:28:00.029Z

Just clearing the decks from 2010.

The Award for the Worst Recruitment Agency has been won by the agency discussed here. Of course I can't remember their name beyond that it had three names. So for convenience I've decided to name them "Barnyard, Cover And Loaf". Well done. You had some tough competition, and only the arrival of a conciliatory e-Christmas card from the other main contender clinched BC&L the award.

As usual with these things there is an expectation to list the best of the previous year, not so much to demonstrate your taste, but rather prove how "in touch" you are. So the best album? The Divine Comedy album was patchy, featuring two great tunes, and a lot of filler. Chicane's "Giants" frustrated more than impressed. Honestly? Under the autotuned vocals and deliberate pastiches there is "something" interesting going on. But currently Chicane falls far short of the sum of its parts. So, by default, the best album I heard in the last year was Carbon Based Lifeform's "Interloper", who thanks to being Swedish, and being straddled with the worst name for a band since "Porcupine Tree", seem doomed to inhabit the unknown side of obscurity. Which is a pity as this album is darn good. As for the rest? Single, Movie, TV show, Day Of The Week? It hardly matters, beyond saying the good stuff was significantly outnumbered by the bad.

I was going to post something about the new UK Comic "Clint". But having read it, I find I can't be arsed wasting more than these two sentences on something so piss poor**.

Much has been written in the last couple of weeks about the decline (demise?) of HMV, mostly from a perspective harking back to some misty-eyed neverland when HMV was "better". Needless to say the reasons for HMV's decline have been squarely blamed on "internet piracy" and downloads, although some have noted that HMV's response to these challenges has left a moribund retailer with no clear identity and less idea of the niche it is supposed to fill. Of course, I'd argue that HMV are largely to blame for their own predicament, having utterly failed to realise how things have changed, People still want to buy music. But HMV just don't seem to be able comprehend this, preferring to devote space to products their competitors sell, usually more cheaply and in environments more conducive for the consumer to make a purchase. Case in point? I was fielding questions from woman about a Philips blu-ray player in my local HMV a couple of weeks before Christmas. So why did I assist? Simple. The poor guy who'd been approached by the customer had no idea about the product, what it did or why it was cheaper than one and more expensive than another. So rather than watch him flounder I helped. All those years spent in electrical retailing finally coming to someone's rescue. Now normally something like this would irk me. But in this instance I thought it just summed up HMV. They have products for sale, which unlike CD's or games actually need to be "sold" rather than simply be selected by the customer. And it's certainly not, in this instance, the employees fault that they don't know anything about a (seemingly at least) randomly selected consumer durable, or it's benefits beyond how much it costs. And that's the point. Why would they? Now if this had happened in a Currys I'd be howling in derision. But it's not Currys. It's HMV who, I'm forced to conclude, don't realise that people need to be guided as to why one consumer durable is better than another one, nor that during the decision making process the customer might just ask a member of staff for advice. While I can't judge whether this is typical or not, even this possibly isolated incident demonstrates the problems a retailer faces when they sell products outside their core range, and it strikes me even if this is atypical then they still haven't thought this expansion into selling other products through very well. If you can't sell a £99 Blu-ray player with a free copy of "The Expendables" without a third party helping what chance do they have selling those £270 headphones they stock? But I digress.

Nor do HMV understand that their lead pricing promotion of 2 CDs for £10 harks back to a time when they only had to compete against other High street retailers, not the internet. The news they will start closing branches isn't very surprising, coming on the heels of last Summers change of ordering system which resulted (so I'm told) in a purge of stock. I suspect though, having had personal experienced an organisation attempting to survive by branch closures, that the actual savings they make won't be as much as they anticipate. Of course you can close a shop but, for example, if it is on a long term lease you'll still pay rent on the premises - empty or otherwise. Then there is the "actual" logistics of closing branches. Stock has to be moved, bills transferred (and the rest) before you even get to the inevitable cost of redundancies. Long term contracts with suppliers and the associated early termination fees can result in a situation where it makes just as much sense just to keep a place open***, but that rarely happens once the commitment to closure has been made. I suppose I'm missing the point. Closing branches does at least give the impression of doing something, even if in the short term it makes little difference to an organisations' bottom line.

HMV's decline comes at the same time as an interesting development in Belfast. The arrival of a new CD retailer - a company called "Head". And, quite incredibly, they actually sell CDs. And not just chart stuff. They even pass the "Neu!" test, having the first two "Neu!" albums for sale at prices not a kick in the balls away from those on the net. Needless to say, even in my current skint state, my CD buying habit has kicked back in. (To give you an idea - I bought Oasis "Definitely Maybe", ABC's "The Lexicon Of Love" and REM's "Out Of Time" for a fiver. That's not a fiver each. That's three CD's for a fiver. That's what I thought as well). The fact is "Head" feels like a CD shop. Yeah they sell DVDs, but they also have a Vinyl section which makes me want to sort my old Rega Planar out once and for all. Honestly? It's well worth a visit.

*Yeah my muse has returned. Along with my inability to string two coherent sentences together. I've lost count of the number of revisions I've made to this since I posted it earlier today. Even now I'm not happy with it, but I'm tired of trying to batter the English language into submission, so it will just have to do.

**Just in passing it's nearly a year now since I stopped, after 33 years, buying 2000AD. A quick browse of the last issue doesn't make me any more inclined to start picking it up again, as it features amongst its stories, one stiffly drawn, illogical thing about a war between angels and demons, which was the very story which made me realise I was just buying 2000AD out of habit, rather than for enjoyment. Last year this story had one of the protagonists use a mobile phone in Hell. Now just get your head around that image for a moment. So how would that work? Presumably it means there is an entire mobile infrastructure in Hell, no doubt complete with call centres whose job is to sell demons upgrade handsets or contracts whilst at the same time deal with the usual customer service issues you'd associate with such a provision. You know crap reception, stolen phones and handsets dropped into fiery pits.. And surely it then follows that there would be Mobile phone shops as well. I mean where else would demons get their mobile phones from? Unless they send away for one via a small ad in the back of The Sun. If this was the case then Hell would need a postal service, or at least couriers for it to work. And then there is the more practical problem of how a mobile phone network would actually work in Hell. Would demons complain if someone built a mobile mast beside one of the pits of eternal damnation because it "spoilt the view"? Unless of course the mobile network works by Magick (which always has to be spelt with an extra "k" at the end when "evil's afoot"). But if that was the case why do they need handsets? With a dial for entering telephone numbers? It's utter nonsense. I mean can you imagine a "Carphone Warehouse" in Hell? I picture something just like the one in the Abbey Centre, albeit missing the overpowering smell of brimstone and employing slightly fewer damned souls.

***Which is a tale in itself. Actually it's an entire book. Just to give you some indication of how bad things had gone a year or so before the end, there were multiple transactions being processed through where it would have been more profitable simply to hand the customer £20 out of the till before asking them to leave the shop. Of course transactions like this were automatically flagged up thanks to a clever bit of mucking about with Business Objects. I got a nice little email which I would investigate. By this point though the people you'd expect to be interested had long since passed caring. The company was haemorrhaging money so violently it had lost all sense of perspective. Two months after I'd left, the company, with 70 odd years worth of history, collapsed. No-one was surprised.

Lost. One muse. Used rarely. Answers to Angry Since 1967. Please return if found.

2011-01-09T21:57:00.002Z

You'd think, following the news HMV is staring into the abyss, I'd be able to bang out a quick 1000 word missive claiming "I told you so", while at the same time questioning the likely effectiveness of their "cure or kill" strategy to close branches and generally howling at how it was their short sighted insistence on blaming their decline on "internet piracy" rather than addressing HMV's own failings which led to this moment. But it doesn't. And how, after feck only knows how many attempts, I am precisely no closer to producing something coherent (that's Angry Since 1967 "coherent" which, as regular readers will know, is a much more malleable beast than real coherence) than I was the day the news broke.

Exactly.

Welcome To Fear. Part IV

2011-01-09T10:43:00.000Z

Death by Eggs

I've won a prize*

2010-12-12T13:19:00.015Z

As it's been a while (2007), I've decided it was about time Angry Since 1967 won another award. So the Professor Stanley Unwin Prize was born. This award is designed to recognise clarity of thought, clearly articulated in plain English. It is also a way of acknowledging the contribution any blog called "Angry Since 1967" has made to the overall "blogosphere". In setting these august goals, naming the award in honour of an individual renowned for their incomprehensibility, seems not only right, but entirely appropriate. The selection panel, made up of me, thought long and hard about which of the deserving blogs should win this auspicious prize. And while there were many candidates, it became clear only one filled the key criterion of being called "Angry Since 1967". This fact, taken together with the blogs actual content consisting of a baffling mix of incoherent sentence construction and barely comprehensible ranting, broken only by a random scattering of punctuation meant Angry Since 1967 was the obvious choice. I mean read back that last sentence. It's horribouncy incobobblybole.

*I actually have. I won a Budvar branded memory stick and a fleece. Let the festivities commence!

Is the Fat Nipper Singing?

2010-12-09T11:05:00.000Z

There have been a few occasions when I've thought that being, or seemingly at least, proved right is of little consolation. The news released today of HMV's spiralling sales decline suggests, sadly, they are facing the abyss. I want to make one thing absolutely clear. I don't want HMV to go bust, I don't want them to vanish off the High Street, but it looks like that is now a distinct possibility. As I've said before HMV doesn't know what it is any more. Music shop? Clothes Shop? Games Shop? Electronics store (I was in one the other day and they were selling headphones for £269.99. HMV trying to sell headphones at £269.99? Have they taken leave of their senses?) or a DVD Shop. As I said here "rather than work out what they do and what they are for, they, like a three year old with some fuzzy felt, are throwing things in the hope what sticks makes a nice picture."

Things look grim. And while a turnaround is always possible, it's difficult to see where it is coming from. Perhaps a return to what they used to do might work, although unfortunately I suspect it might already be too late.

A Week Without Mp3....Believe In Better. Or Closed.

2010-12-09T10:37:00.000Z

Last October I blogged here about Sky Songs, a download / streaming service Sky had started. It seems my scepticism was well judged, as according to the BBC, it will be closing down in February. And here is the thing. As far as I can tell this a rare example of Sky getting something completely wrong. Their entire business model is predicated on consumers paying for third party content they deliver from within a paywall. Sky are many things, most of them not very appealing, but they do know how to run a subscription service. That they couldn't make this work sends a very clear message - streamed music services simply aren't viable, as consumers simply will not pay for them. How Spotify react to this is going to be very interesting.

Meanwhile here is some "more" music

2010-12-07T18:02:00.000Z

Angry Since 1967 Announces The Perpetual List Of Bands To Hear Next Year

2010-12-06T11:17:00.016Z

Fifteen entirely invented bands and singers have been named amongst Angry Since 1967s Perpetual List Of Bands To Hear Next Year.

The up-and-coming artists on this year's longlist range from "A Bit 80s Sounding", "We Sound Exactly The Same As An Old Band We Think No-One Remembers" to pop artists "Depressingly Predictable", "If This Doesn't Work I'll Be A Comedian Next. Or An Actor" and dance band "Clichéd, Aul Crap, Cached As A New Dance Sub-Genre".

"Bleeding-Edge, Ultra Kewl, Game Changing Producer Whose Name We Can't Say Without Simultaneously Climaxing. Forgotten Next Week", "Angst-y Singer Song Writer (Female)" and "Angst-y Singer Song Writer (Male)" also feature.

"Exotic Foreigner" and "Not Very Good, But Jesus! What A Tragic Back Story" have been backed for success after we decided that straddling them with suitably emotional and tragic back story, complete with a montage of black and white archive footage accompanied by an acoustic version of some nondescript Snow Patrol track would add to their appeal. Honestly? I cried my lamps out. "A Blatant Clone Of A Currently Successful Artist" and "We'll Be Successful This Time. Promise" have also selected for success. Amongst the others are the runts of the litter "Box Ticked", "Something Faintly World Music-y" and "Token Nod To Metal" appearing just to make the numbers up, and as a vague acknowledgement that 97% of the good music currently produced doesn't fit into the neat little boxes the mainstream media thinks it should.

The "taste-maker" behind this selection AS 1967, is a producer*, TV presenter**, newspaper critic***, magazine editor**** and a respected blogger*****. He claimed, after being asked to make up some completely fictional bands, "I'm so fucking cool, which is the point. Isn't it? I mean it's not about the music, it's about me proving I have my finger on the pulse. That I'm down with the kids. I mean, even if these bands did exist, what they sound like isn't as important as the image I, and the rest of the people selected for this are trying to portray"

When the top five is announced, as none of the bands exist, they won't be featured on the Angry Since website, nor will there be any broadcast sessions or interviews with any of the winners. Or rather there will. As, in the broadest sense, these identikit bands are real. You know that given the narrow, predictable and pedestrian range of music from which all these so called "experts" select never varies, the outcome is inevitable. Nothing challenging. Nothing different. Nothing beyond a safe facsimile of what has gone before. Unending mediocrity lauded with feigned quasi-critical acclaim.

Next year this will be rebranded the "Whoop-De-Fucking-Do" list, in an attempt to more accurately reflect the levels of excitement and anticipation the announcement generates.

The Complete List.

"A Bit 80s Sounding"
"We Sound Exactly The Same As An Old Band We Think No-One Remembers"
"Depressingly Predictable"
"If This Doesn't Work I'll Be A Comedian Next. Or An Actor"
"Clichéd, Aul Crap, Cached As A New Dance Sub-Genre"
"Bleeding-Edge, Ultra Kewl, Game Changing Producer Whose Name We Can't Say Without Simultaneously Climaxing. Forgotten Next Week"
"Angst-y Singer Song Writer (Female)"
"Angst-y Singer Song Writer (Male)"
"Exotic Foreigner"
"Not Very Good, But Jesus! What A Tragic Back Story"
"A Blatant Clone Of A Currently Successful Artist"
"We'll Be Successful This Time. Promise"
"Box Ticked"
"Something Faintly World Music-y"
"Token Nod To Metal"

Welcome to Fear. Part Three

2010-12-05T11:05:00.001Z

And another one.
Death by Sunday roast

All Readers!! EXCITING NEWS INSIDE THIS ISSUE!!!

2010-11-29T22:01:00.020Z

That's right pals, from next week we're welcoming our chums at "Monster Fun" to "Angry Since 1967." All your favourites will be here, plus some great new stories I know you'll love. Laughs are guaranteed as "Our Survey Says.....Exactly What We Want" and "A Week Without Mp3s" meet "Frankie Stein", "Martha's Monster Make-Up" and "Kid Kong". That's right! From next week "Angry Since 1967 and Monster Fun" is the only place you need for your fix of chortles and guffaws! And, as an extra special treat, we've a Twitter feed FREE for all our friends! And all these jolly japes and giggles aplenty are yours for just 6p! Remember mates, you don't want to miss your weekly fix of laughs, ghoulish goings on and depressing, wearying curmudgeonry, so place an order at your local newsagent NOW!

AS1967 Revamp

2010-11-26T16:07:00.001Z

Yeah I'm footering with the layout of the blog, as with all the archived posts it was becoming a pain to find things. I'm not entirely sure yet what I want to do, so expect an indeterminate time to pass before I work out what the hell I want it to look like.

Exactly.....

A Week Without mp3. Now in HD Sound. And available on iTunes.

2010-11-23T22:48:00.009Z

I can't help noticing, but we appear to be in the middle of a concerted effort to rebrand the downloaded mp3 facsimiles you buy from legal sites as "digital music". Indeed Apple have been advertising several recent album releases on TV with the catch line (I'm paraphrasing) "start your digital collection with...". Now far be it for me to rain on this particular parade, but this is utter bollox. How precisely are these downloads any more "digital" than a CD and doesn't the simple act of owning a CD mean you already have a "digital music collection?"

Of course not that this will stop them from making the claim. Especially now, when you can, for the first time, download (sorry "add to your digital collection") the complete Beatles back catalogue from iTunes. Not that you would, of course, as there are a couple of problems with these downloads. They will sound worse than the original 50 year old vinyl versions and they are, quite incredibly, more expensive than the equivalent, better sounding, CD versions. Perhaps the two companies, whose "historic" agreement made this possible, and who so famously reference a pomaceous fruit, picked the wrong brand name. Given their continued reliance on flogging old rope, it would have been more accurate to name their respective organisations "Hemp."

Of course this "digital music" marketing-ese which Apple use, isn't an isolated example. There are many others just as culpable. Take the BBC. Recently they announced the introduction of "HD Sound" versions of their streamed radio channels. So does this service offer 24 bit/96khz streams, comparable to SACD or DVDA? Of course it doesn't. It is just a slightly higher quality version of the lamentable thing they offer at the moment. No harm in that I suppose. Well, yes and no. I can't dispute that it sounds better, but "HD?". If you read the technical gobbledegook they've posted to justify the addition of the prefix "HD", you'll realise the patent misdirection they are engaged in. No matter how they try to cache it, the 320kbps standard they've picked is patently worse than the "real" HD formats of SACD or DVDA. By a considerable margin. This so called HD sound is not, by the commonly accepted definition, "HD". More damning? It's actually worse than that unloved throw back - good old CD. And here's the thing. I'd always suspected, sooner or later, someone would call an mp3 based audio format, offering sound quality worse than that of CD, "HD". The only surprise? The culprit is the BBC. Why the "surprise? My money was on Apple.

If ever there was an example of why I need a sub-editor it's the tortuous language I've used in this post. Honestly? The more I think about what I've written, the worse it gets, especially when I try and "fix it". I reach the point when the sentences stop making any sense. Or rather when the sentences start making even less sense. Damn my clumsy sentence construction....*

*Still at it.

Our Survey Says....Exactly What We Wanted (16)

2010-11-15T09:09:00.004Z

As you can see nothing has changed. This "survey" demonstrates exactly my point. Company / Charity is selling a service, the survey finds it is either indispensable or better than that offered by its' competitors. And, predictably, the media prints the results with uncritical and unquestioning reverence. I will make a simple observation. When was the last time you saw a survey which found an organisation, different or distinct from whom it was commissioned by, coming out on top?

Exactly.

Queues form as Angry Since 1967 launches new blog post at midnight.

2010-11-12T11:55:00.005Z

The newest post on Angry Since 1967 caused mild hysteria yesterday as fans queued for hours to be the first to read it. The internet, which stayed open to midnight for the occasion, claimed that this was an "unprecedented" event. Angry Since 1967 has grown to be an internet phenomenon, and has literally had a dozen hits since its inception back in 2006. One analyst claimed Angry Since 1967 had "redefined the blogsphere's zeitgeist", and was "a continually evolving paradigm shift" which "resonated across the social media's entire ecosystem".

In the queue spirits were high. One person said "I'm so excited I've wet myself, I can't wait to read what he's written this time." Another claimed "I was promised food and a warm bed". One said they were habitual queuers "If I see a line of people I have to join it. Especially if there is a wee roped off bit with some red carpet at one end."

Another individual, who preferred not to be named claimed they made a good living from midnight launches. "Yeah I'm employed by the company as an "ambient participant", although previously I've played the role of an "active participant". I get to be interviewed by the media immediately after being the "first" to buy the new piece of ephemeral tat they are plugging. Obviously learning my lines can be a bit of chore but I enjoy it." So how did this happen? "Well I wanted to be first in line outside a local electrical retailer for the their Boxing Day sale, when I was told the position had been already been filled by someone else. When I saw their well practised joy, as the cameras popped after they'd "bought" the damaged repaired cooker they'd been queuing for, I realised "that's the job for me". Yeah I've had to work at it, but it's paid off, now I go to all the launches. Okay a god forsaken shopping centre on a cold November night isn't great, but I did get to go to Los Angeles and New York earlier this year for the launch of a tablet computer, and I got to be first in line as well." So what did they think of Angry Since 1967?

"Who?

A Week Without mp3. Another "Another" update

2010-11-10T11:42:00.003Z

I read this article people won't pay for "free" internet music streaming services and it neatly demonstrates the point I made here and here about Spotify. People won't pay, if free is available, regardless of the limitations you impose. Until, that is, the limitations become apparent, or if it ceases to be worth the hassle, then people will find an alternative. Which, in the case of music delivered via the internet, are all those P2P sites you can download music from. And "free" with no limitations will always beat "free" with limits, no matter how illegal the former is. Now this certainly isn't right, and I'm not condoning it, but it seems to me that for the music industry to compete against the pirates they need to work out what the hell they "really" do and what they are "actually" offering the public. At the moment all these sites We7, Spotify, Itunes and the rest, are just answers to a question no-one ever asked.

Welcome To Fear. Side Two

2010-11-10T10:42:00.001Z

I get a sense people thought I was exaggerating in my last post.

Health Risk From Texting

Welcome To Fear*

2010-11-02T13:05:00.007Z

You wake. The first decision of the new day waits - getting out of bed. And off to the bathroom you go. But you can’t take a shower as the water is filled with female hormones from the contraceptive pill, and you can’t use soap because it causes eczema, or brush your teeth due to the dangers of fluoride and the dangerous plastic materials in your toothbrush. You can’t use mouthwash either as you've read it causes mouth cancer. All you can do is peer at your ablutions, worried they contain some hidden omen of your mortality.

You dress, carefully and guiltily, thanks to the highly inflammable materials used and the poor children in the third world living in squalid conditions who sow your clothes together. Breakfast follows. Cereal and milk. But the cereal which is high in fibre is high in salt and the one high in flavour is packed with sugar and fat. Your coffee is made by a company with dubious practices in the third world, which you don't drink anyway as its full of caffeine, leaving you to decide whether to take your chances with tea made with hormone soaked water, or milk filled with DDT and artificial fertilizer.

The journey to work offers no relief. You daren’t get the train, as it’s a walk down a dark, badly lit street, where you could be accosted by rapists and muggers, or trip on the badly maintained pavements, or fall over some inappropriately placed signage. The bus is out as well; all that coughing and spluttering from your fellow passenger’s guarantees you’ll be infected by some strain of super-flu, assuming you survive the knife brandishing hoodies, you’ll share the journey with. So you take the car, hoping that the Legionnaires disease in the window washer bottle, the cheap Chinese or counterfeit tyres that the drugged and drunk drivers you share the road with, have on their uninsured, previously cut and shut, write-off’s don't get you today. And that you avoid the fraudsters who deliberately break on roundabouts so they can claim whiplash injuries on your insurance. Assuming, of course, you’re simply not hauled out of your car by hijackers posing as newspaper sellers.

And once you've made the fraught journey to work? You turn on your PC. And as you are bathed in the faint radioactive glow from your monitor, you remember that the only thing protecting you from the poisonous heavy metals which it contains is its thin plastic case, covered in lead based paints, made in a factory by people earning 5p a month, for a 100 hour week. But you console your self, at least they have a job. With the cuts and stuff you’re lucky you still have one, and certainly when you lose it, as you inevitably will, you’ll fall down the between the cracks in the welfare system, cast out of your cowboy builder built house because the miss sold payment protection insurance you took on your mortgage doesn’t cover your repayments. Your children will be taken into the care of incompetent social workers, who have a left wing agenda, only to be fostered by lesbians migrants who don’t speak English proper like "what you does". Unable to afford anywhere to live, you end up destitute on the street, easy prey for sex traffickers and the methadone addicts. Which, given your productivity has collapsed due to the RSI from using your keyboard incorrectly, combined with the lower back pain from you slouching in your unsupportive seat, seems your inevitable fate.

Lunchtime arrives. You daren’t eat any of the sandwiches Tesco sell – too fatty, salty or sugary, or any of their wax coated, pesticide treated, flown in fruit. An although their water is “pure” it comes in a bottle made from plastic, which could, in a couple of years time, be fished out of a blow hole of a drowned Sperm whale and traced back to you, your finger prints having surviving the poisoned seas intact.

You’d surf the internet at lunchtime but with the groomers and the Nigerian fellows trying to steal your identity so they can spend all your money on Chupa Chups and Monster Munch you decide not to. And no I won’t change the printer toner either lest it explodes or I inhale any of its carcinogenic toner powder. And certainly I won’t change the paper. What if I got a paper cut which then became infected by an antibiotic resistant superbug?

The trip home is an equally hazardous adventure – dark evenings, road rage drivers, unsafe cars, high on Pine Magic Tree fumes. Home offers no solace. You turn the TV on and see a list of new things to be fearful of – parcels from Yemen, hidden fees, pension shortfalls, dirty hospitals, dangerous dogs, knife crime, unhygienic restaurants, alcohol, global warming, deforestation, overpopulation, water shortages, trans fats, freak weather, lone gunmen, internet, the rise of the right, the rise of the left, the rise of the middle, music, video games, ra-ra skirts, platform heels, indoor toilets, outdoor toilets and the rest of the wearying, predictable, unending menu of fear mongering which now passes for the “News”.

Calling it quits you retire for another restless night – worried the smoke alarm won't work or that you'll be consumed by voracious bed bugs while you slowly choke on the allergens in house dust mite faeces.

Worst of all? You know, come tomorrow, there'll have be new things for you to be afraid of.

*Yes I've managed to work in DJ Shadow reference.

The truth is out there.

2010-10-17T12:52:00.003+01:00

I've been literally un-inundated by people wondering why I don't seem to be updating this as much as I once did. Well there are a couple of reasons - the main one being is I got bored with impotently gurning about recruitment agencies. That said, of course I am aware that it's rolling around to the "Angry Since 1967 Worst Recruitment Agency" awards so expect to see some views about whom I believe is most deserving over the next month or so. As an aside, a trip to Belfast City airport brought the advertised image of one particular agency into sharp relief, particularly as I (against my better judgement) had dealings with them the very next day. Needless to say they are still up to their old bollocks. Perhaps I should just advertise jobs which don't exist and save my self the bother of dealing with this shower of charlatans. Of course knowing my luck I'd apply, only to be told (eventually after repeated phone calls) I lacked the sufficient experience or skills, had too much experience, was over skilled, was both too qualified and under qualified, and that actually the non-existent job had in fact been pulled and the position filled by an equally non-existent, yet suitable candidate who had attributes essential to the job which, conveniently, hadn't been included in the job spec. I could then spend my time gurning about the inequity of it all while waggling an indignant finger at those fuckers working for "Angry Since 1967".

Erm.

I think, rather worryingly and completely by accident, I've stumbled on the crux of the last 18 months worth of posts I've made on the subject.

Er....

We return you to our trade test transmissions

2010-10-12T10:38:00.002+01:00

They've Been Framed*.

2010-09-28T14:50:00.005+01:00

You know it strikes me as odd yet obvious at the same time that no-one has, to date, taken the piss out of any of those reality / expert shows. Take, for example "The Real Hustle". If ever there was a show requiring it's wings clipped its this one. All you'd need to do is wait for them to try one of their carefully staged hustles, and then get them with an even more elaborately staged sting. I don't think it would be too difficult to pull off either. Flatter a researcher into letting you know where they are, what "scam" they are playing and then take it from there. Or even just call at one of the Hustle team's front door, and try one of their "hilarious" scams on them. Or seemingly at least, as this would merely be the opening gambit. No doubt, if you were to do this they'd take it with all the good grace of Noel Edmonds**. And its not all. There are opportunities aplenty, enough for to make a TV show. Other shows vying for attention include those cheap daytime antiques shows. Just deliberately buy junk, or better still, bring something extremely valuable along, feign ignorance and then see how much (or how little) you'll be offered to take it off your hands. I'm sure the valuations would be interesting.

When you think about it, the potential for mischief is almost limitless. Take "Dragons Den" for example. It strikes me if someone was clever, determined and devious, they'd be able to sell the panel snake oil. Now I don't like Dragons Den. Why? It's that "pretend real" shtick it has, a trait it shares with the equally unappealing "The Apprentice". As I see it there are a couple of things which make "Dragons Den" a prime candidate for someone to successfully attempt this. The first is the vain arrogance of the four panellists, but the second is more important. It's the controlled, vetted environment, it exists in. I mean, if you were sitting there on the panel you'd be pretty confident, or at least assume the BBC had rooted out the all the snake oil purveyors, leaving you with ample time to focus on the real business of the show - dismissive, unchallenged hubris. But if someone was planted on the show purely to con the panel? It's something they'd never take into account. And that's what leaves it exposed. Be honest, I can't be the only person who'd pay good money to see how they'd react if they found out someone they'd backed was in fact selling them magic beans? Of course if this was successfully attempted then, much as Smashie and Nicey did to a generation of DJs, it would completely undermine the ersatz integrity the show depends on. Programmes like "Dragons Den", seemingly immune to criticism, are susceptible to something much more damaging.

Ridicule.

And, of course, the "reveal", when it came, would be utterly fucking hilarious.

*You know even by my standards this post is a convoluted mess. What I'd originally planned as a snappy diatribe has spiralled off into comma riddled incoherence.

**A man happy to dish it out less happy, as demonstrated when Chris Morris did it to him, to be on the receiving end.

Something controversial causes "outrage"

2010-09-13T17:21:00.005+01:00

A controversial statement, act and/or threat caused outrage yesterday, as shocked onlookers, commentators, politicians and activists engaged in collective teeth gnashing at something so deliberately provocative, the culprit wore a cloak, twirled a thin moustache and cackled manically. One shocked individual claimed that this was the most horrendous thing they’d seen in at least a week. “This obviously deplorable. But more problematic is that it's just something else I have to be outraged by. Honestly it's becoming a full time job trying to keep my outrage keenly honed. I mean there's something new to be outraged by every day and to be blunt, there are only so many things I can be simultaneously outraged by, before I get completely lost. It's so got so bad recently I’ve completely missed things I would have caused me enormous outrage. I've even had to feign my horror because I’ve lost track. It's really embarrassing being outraged when I should have been delighted. In my defence though, it's not my fault. With the cuts, world hunger, threats to burn things, the size of luggage cages, the fate of beached whales, wars, famines, the economy, doctored talent shows, governmental waste, soft prison sentences, identity theft, and the other threats and attacks on life and individual freedoms, its not surprising to find that I’m completely swamped. I can't make informed decisions any more as, every day, there is a stream of things I should be shocked, outraged or worried by. And I don't have the time make the distinctions between the things I should be “really” worried about, and the things I'm told I should be worried about. It's getting so that I can't be sure my apoplexy is directed at the right things. Frankly this is keeping me awake. Or rather it would, if I wasn't lying awake at night, worried shitless about the other outrageous things in the world, I'm already outraged about. That said this recent development, whatever it is, is completely outrageous and should be stopped. Or started. Or banned. Or allowed. Or something."

“Think Tank” claims Angry Since 1967 lacks “relevance”

2010-08-30T12:18:00.007+01:00

A leading think-tank claims the recession has rendered Angry Since 1967 "irrelevant". One of the authors of the report suggested “Angry Since 1967 is much less relevant now than it was - even a few years ago. We don't believe it reflects the values demanded by the current economic realities. Wearying cynicism may well have been a useful skill during the days of plenty, but now either meek compliance, being flexible enough to fit inside a chimney, or a willingness to return to domestic service, are of greater relevance. Sculleries don't, after all, clean themselves.” They further demanded the appointment of a blog-czar to monitor future blog content, claiming the current regulator was "fucking useless as they don't share our narrow predilections."

Angry Since 1967 was unavailable for comment. However the regulators "Ofblog" denied these claims. “Angry Since 1967 is performing well. Our independent inspectors indicate, that while there has been a decline in impotent rants about recruitment agencies, the new initiative of transposing “Angry Since 1967” on to vaguely topical events, to just to score low blows, or as a way of making some deeply obscure point, shows massive promise. Indeed they report the blogs' causticity is such that we have had to recalibrate our usual measurements. The blogs’ cynicism continues to exceed its targets and is far ahead of our expectations. Further we are confident there is a continuing commitment to the core “Angry Since 1967” objectives, of delivering unrelenting bile in indigestible, badly constructed sentences. We accept there have been some issues during the transitional period however, there is cause for optimism. These issues appear to be nothing more than short term aberrations. Consequently "Angry Since 1967" continues to have our full support."

Scientists blame “Convenient Scapegoat” for “everything”

2010-08-16T11:56:00.014+01:00

Results from a recent study suggest a convenient scapegoat is the main cause of today's problems, and that this trend is likely to continue. Speaking earlier one researcher claimed “We fed the most up to date data into our models and the results are clear. In 95% of cases a convenient scapegoat is responsible”

These results are likely to re-ignite the so-called Convenient Scapegoat-gate controversy of last year, and have been already greeted with complaints from self styled “convenient scapegoat sceptics”. One, who preferred not to be named, claimed this survey was just a “convenient scapegoat” hiding the real truth. They continued "cause and effect are much more difficult to ascribe to events than simple, headline grabbing scare stories about overweight, drug addled, kids, sold into prostitution by the Taliban, subsequently dying, either of heart attacks brought on by climate change, or being murdered by perverts trawling the internet for their next victim. All they do is present a superficial reading of reality, editorialised to the point of the nonsensical, which frames the debate in such a simplistic fashion, that any attempt to solve the problem, as defined by the headlines, is doomed to failure. There's always more to a problem than the catchy sloganeering would have you believe."

A leading expert on convenient scapegoating, condemned this view. They claimed “Yeah they're right, but for god sake, they should have kept quiet for the common good. The second people realise the problems of big bad world can't be reduced to a pithy headline, or resolved with just an equally snappy campaign slogan, then that's us done. Our salad days, when we could hobnob with rock stars, appear on Newsnight, or knock out 500 word articles with inconsequential admonishments and some hand wringing, for "The Independent's" Sunday magazine about how changing your brand of washing-up liquid can make a difference, will be over."

Successful "Reboot" Gets Second Series.

2010-08-10T12:10:00.013+01:00

We can exclusively reveal Angry Since 1967s show "Public Domain Detective Revamped For The Nth Time" will return next year. Speaking exclusively, Angry Since 1967 said "Yeah we've been so impressed with the ratings we've sent a couple of our researchers out to see what other properties, worn threadbare by over exposure and countless remakes, we can revamp for the 21st century. Although it's too early to confirm any more details, expect some interesting developments". We understand the properties being looked at include a SF retooling for "Anthropomorphic Animals Beside A River", a rebooted "5 Middle Class, English Kids From The 40s And 50s Solve Mysteries" featuring the addition of a camper van and a pesky dog. We are also led to believe that two more traditional dramas are also in the works - “Classic 19th Century Novel About Love In A Country Mansion" and "Something By Charles Dickens. Either "A Christmas Carol" or "Oliver Twist".

Rumours about two other shows “Traditional English Hero” and “Mythical English King” have been categorically denied. “We don't believe there's the appetite for these characters yet, as it's only been a matter of days since the end of their last rebooted, re-imaginings. Of course this will, likely as not, change by the end of the week once we've come up with some quirky twist – like setting them on the Moon”

Asked about the possibility of classic TV shows being updated, Angry Since 1967 claimed "I'm always asked, following the return of "Dreadful, Illogical, Time Travelling Pantomime" and "Remnants Of Humanity Sit Around A Farmhouse Table, Discussing Animal Husbandry And Crop Rotation" as well as our recent acquisitions "Dreadful Aul 1980s U.S. Hokem About A Talking Car" and "Ponderous SF Show Filled With Self Indulgent, Unsubtle Allegory, Completely Missing The Point Of The Original", whether "Stilted, 1970s, Low Budget, SF Drama With A Prop Resembling An Aquarium" will return. All I'd say is "wait and see". Certainly I'd be interested in another series, if the reboot is sufficiently idiotic and divorced from the original, that beyond the name, it bares no resemblance to the original show. Say giving it a pirate setting, for instance. Or it's done with a knowing wink. Or it's been leadened with "contemporariness". And of course we shouldn't forget the great shows like "Flogging A Dead Horse", "Money For Old Rope" and "You May Not Remember Why This Worn Out Crap Was Eventually Axed, But I Certainly Do", which are crying out to be reintroduced to a modern audience. These would certainly stand an update. That and the fact it's easier doing this than trying to come up with something fresh and original"

Angry Since 1967 Announces Autumn Line Up

2010-07-19T13:25:00.029+01:00

It's a mix of old and new as Angry Since 1967 releases it's line-up for for the Autumn season. Speaking exclusively AS1967 claimed “Yeah there's something for everyone. Although technically that's not true. There's a rake of things we won't be covering at all, but saying there's something for some people and nothing for others, while more accurate, isn't as catchy"

The line up sees some old favourites return – “Smug Panel Show” returns from the sixth circle of hell for its 5,000th season and fans will be delighted to learn that it's host Oscar Wilde Wannabie will be chairing the show. Comedy double act “Oxford and Cambridge” return with a new series of “Smug Comedy Show”, and comedy double act “Cambridge and Oxford” return with a new series of “At Last. Another Smug Comedy Show”. St.Andrews and Redbrick University Via A Public School host a new panel show called “Smug Panel Show Which Is A Cross Between Smug, Vaguely Satirical, Panel Show and Smug Improvised Panel Show”. Failed 80s Singer returns in another series of the Smug Comedy Award Winning "Smug, Humour Free Docu-Comedy Set In A Work Place". Renowned Impersonator Who Has To Tell You Who They Are Doing, As You'd Never Work Figure It Out From The Impersonation is back in a new show for the Autumn, as is Someone Who Was Sort Of Funny Reading Lines Someone Else Wrote For Them in "This Is My Last Chance To Prove I Am Funny On My Own, And That I Am More Than A 15 Year Old Catchphrase. Dear God This Had Better Work".

Drama fans are spoilt for choice. Perennial favourite “Cosy Working Class Drama Written By Someone Who Went To Eton” returns, as does “Big Budget US Import”. New programmes promised include “Edgy Drama” featuring Edgy Actor, and new shows from the States “Single Season Show With A Story Arc Padded Out For 5 Years, Trying The Patience Of A Saint In The Process, Before Being Wrapped In A Final Episode Explaining Nothing”, “It's Already Been Axed”, “Making It Up As We Go Along” and “Cancelled Mid Season With Nothing Resolved”. “Aren't Those Working Class People Loveable Rogues, What With Their Drugs, Sordid Sex Lives And Whacky Money Making Schemes? I Mean I Wouldn't Want To Live Next Door To Them But That's What Makes All The Better”, starts in October and fans of "Long Since Passed It's Sell-By Date" will have their hankies at the ready as it's final series completes an impressive line up.

Youth culture is catered for in "Patronising Bollox Produced By Forty Year Olds" and cult US TV hit "Another Derivative Vampire Show Featuring Adults As Angsty Teenagers. At A High School. In Hollywood. Singing Cover Versions Of 80s Soft Rock Classics."

On the lighter side popular chat show host No, Not The Gay Southern Irish Protestant, The Other One returns with his “Chat Show On After Earnest Late Night News Programme”, guests already lined up include Star Plugging Movie, Star Plugging Book, Hollywood Actor You Thought Was Dead and Sorry, I've No Idea Who You Are. Also showing is "Z List Celebrity Helping Members Of The Public Overcome Adversity And / Or Learn New Skill" and "Prune Faced Busy Body Sticks Their Nose Into Your Failing Business And Tuts A Lot"

Arts and Culture feature in the “Condescending Elitist Fuckery Designed To Put Anyone Off Going Anywhere Near A Play, Book, Exhibition Or Film. For Ever” and “Art Show On After Earnest Late Night News Show. Fridays Only”. The ever popular "Late Night With I Was A Side Man But I Don't Like To Talk About It" and a retrospective series of highlights from "Soporific 70s TV Music Show".

Completing the schedule are the major documentary series “Sucking The Wonder From Science With The Aplomb Of A Bad Physics Teacher” featuring Carl Sagan Wannabie and I'm So Important All The Shows I Appear Have To Be Prefixed With My Name's “Dreary History Programme Made In Co-operation With The History Channel, Featuring Lots Of Cheap CGI And Dodgy Re-enactments”

AS1967 said “I'm sure you agree that as far as providing, challenging, innovative, entertaining and informative programming we've fallen as far short as usual. Still at least Top Gear's back.”

Blog fault leaves Angry Since 1967 "stunned"

2010-07-04T11:23:00.000+01:00

Press Release - Recent Issues.

Stunning engineering blah blah blah blah formula used to calculate blah blah blah stars aren't aligned blah blah blah blah ley lines blah blah blah blah blah bad vibe merchants blah blah sonic oscillations blah blah blah blah turbo encapulator blah blah blah blah reverse the polarity flow blah blah blah blah a sub tachyon pulse from the front deflector array blah blah blah blah blah look it's not faulty at all. You just "think" it is faulty blah blah blah blah blah Stephen Fry blah blah blah blah 800 years of British repression blah blah blah blah not liable blah blah blah blah blah look we didn't test it thoroughly enough blah blah blah blah it just works blah blah blah blah it's not a problem it's a feature blah blah blah blah appease the angry gods blah blah blah blah flux capacitor blah blah blah blah blah some big boys did it, Miss blah blah blah the dog ate my homework blah blah blah blah there was an earthquake blah blah blah blah some friends came in from out of town blah blah blah blah magic beans blah blah blah blah sacrifice a chicken and dance around it's entrails. Naked.

Technical problems plague AS1967 "upgrade"

2010-06-30T10:03:00.010+01:00

Angry Since 1967 readers have complained a recent revamp has left the site unusable. One user commented the blog was now only accessible via the internet, another claimed they were unable to view the site while standing out in the middle of a field with a bag over their head.

When questioned Angry responded "Don't read it like that, read it like this".

This controversy comes hard on the heels of Angry Since 1967s recent highly visible spat with "Flash", claiming it caused "issues". "Angry Since 1967 cannot support a proprietary product when a viable, free alternative providing much of the functionality of "Flash" is available. We'd like to reassure users that as far as we are concerned the only measurable difference between the two is "elbow greases'" lack of a zesty fragrance."

Angry Since 1967 - Exclusive Glastonbury UPDATE.

2010-06-23T13:02:00.007+01:00

The self-styled "Angry man" of blog-rock "Angry Since 1967" has CONFIRMED he won't be bothering with Glastonbury this weekend. This newspaper can exclusively reveal that rather than engage with Glastonbury "Angry Since 1967" will instead spend the weekend SCRATCHING about the house, WATCHING football and possibly GOING out to buy a DOUBLE DECKER, or some other BAR of chocolate in a LOCAL shop. An insider said "yeah he'd rather FLICK through a copy of "Auto Express" in the local shop, occasionally tutting at the price they charge for a pint of milk, than even watch it on TV. Especially with the World Cup on." When asked if ANGRY would ever go to Glastonbury, our source claimed "There's no way he'd spend the weekend standing in a field surrounded by commodity brokers, people stuffed on macrobiotic rice, BMW X5 owning "hippies", and PEOPLE on corporate junkets slumming it for a couple of days in the mistaken belief that being knee deep in human excrement while "Florence and the Machine" sing "You've Got The Love" SOMEHOW makes the whole experience more "real."

Angry Since 1967 - New Album Released

2010-06-21T15:29:00.032+01:00

The much anticipated new album from Angry Since 1967 "Because I Am Bored" has been released to rapturous applause.

What the reviewers are saying

Uncut
"This album defies classification. But more importantly allows us to engage in our copyrighted condescending superiority, crowbarring references to wilfully obscure bands into a review. Not because doing so provides any insight, or allows valid comparisons, but rather as an example of the depth of our musical knowledge. Of course you're not informed, or nuanced enough to have ever heard of, let alone listened to, any of the bands we refer, so this is entirely for our benefit. Why? Because this makes us feel better about ourselves and gives us a sense of self worth which is otherwise completely absent from every other aspect of our lives. So suffice it to say that while this is album is reminiscent of work by "Tiger Attack Plan Tiger", and East Coast obscurists "Inverted Cages" it surpasses both. Or it would if these bands actually existed. We just made them up, knowing you wouldn't notice. See? More proof of how utterly worthless you really are."

Mojo
"Anything "Uncut" can do, we can do. But in a duller, more verbose and more patronising fashion, sweetie. Plus we have an an awards ceremony which gets coverage on BBC News, dear. And we give Life Time Achievement awards to people you thought were dead, luvvie. So ya boo sucks, mate!"

Q
"This album is a lot of aul bollox, but as they are on this month's cover, and there's a 10 page exclusive interview, 9 pages of related advertising, a supplement, and some backstage passes with our names on them, it gets our default rating of four stars"

Time Out
"They aren't from London. Haven't played in London, and don't sing about London. So far as we're concerned, they don't exist"

NME
"The Smiths" blah blah blah blah blah "The Clash" blah blah blah "PJ Harvey" blah blah blah "Inverted Cages" blah blah blah fucking punk, right?"

Nuts
"Tits"

Zoo
"Arse"

FHM
"Fanny"

GQ
"Wank"

Kerrang
"Yes we know the NWOBHM was 30 years ago but we're still not over it. And no we're not proud how we pretended to like fucking rap-metal, grunge, nu-metal, and the rest of the shit that's filled the intervening decades. Deep down you know it, and we know it. The music we loved died when Bruce Dickinson first left "Iron Maiden". So why can't you just leave us alone, and let us listen to our "Tygers Of Pan Tang" and "Saxon" albums in peace? KKKK"

Classic Rock
"Can't I review the new "Uriah Heep" retrospective box set instead?"

Record Collector
"The limited edition, triple gatefold, pink vinyl, Japanese import is the one to buy. What does it sound like? What do you mean? There's music recorded on these things as well? Is that something new?"

Classic Rock "Special"
"It costs £7.99. Seriously. But before you screw your face up, just look at the packaging. Lovingly sealed in a a cardboard case? Sure that's brilliant. Okay you can't read it before you buy it, but it does come with some badly reproduced posters of bands you don't like, loads of advertisements, tat we found lying at the bottom of a drawer, a host of reprints and a "free cd" filled with mangled, sub karaoke cover versions of songs you've never heard of. I'm sure you'd agree when I put it like that, it's a helluva bargain. And even if you don't, once you've bought it there's not much you can do, as we have a strict "no refunds once opened" policy."

Hardly Merits Visiting.

2010-06-15T14:51:00.014+01:00

I was in the HMV in Belfast earlier. It's been revamped. I think we can now officially conclude that there are now no music shops left in the City centre. The CDs (what few there were) are now relegated to the second floor, filling (or rather not) the space previously reserved for video game accessories, which now reside downstairs in the space vacated by CDs. A couple of things struck me. Firstly they've upped the prices for their CDs again, presumably to compensate for the likely crash in sales that will result from having such a limited selection. Now HMV have never been cheap - but when a thrown together "Captain Sensible" compilation on a no mark label (think Pickwick) is priced at £7 you really have to wonder what bizarre pricing formula they are using and how long it'll be before they abandon music all together? If I was a betting man I'd say 18 months, two years tops.

The second thing were the poor souls, browsing the CDs, who weren't aware things have changed. They shared that look of puzzled bewilderment you see when pub regulars, visiting their old haunt for the first time after a revamp, discover "The Dog And Partridge" has become a bar with a one word name, roped off bits and burly bouncers. Then experiencing the "Christ you're here. We didn't expect to see you again" when the staff suddenly remember you from the old days. It was like meeting an old girlfriend, who in the intervening months has gone blonde, sports a tattoo and has joined a gym. In HMV today the language was pretty clear. "We've moved on. Yeah it's nice to see you, but we don't need you any more and, if we're honest, we'd prefer it if you either went somewhere else, or at least pretended you don't know us"

Of course all this fits. HMV have given up on music. They'll say there's no money in it, sales are down, piracy is up and the rest. I think the reality is different. HMV doesn't know what it is. I mean think about it. What is HMV for? What is it's proposition? What makes you shop in it? Or more importantly what makes you not shop in it? The thing is HMV don't know the answers to these questions. Worse they haven't even reached the point where they'd even consider getting someone to ask them. And so, rather than work out what they do and what they are for, they, like a three year old with some fuzzy felt, are throwing things in the hope what sticks makes a nice picture.

Honestly? If HMV had any competition they'd be banjaxed. The only thing about this that surprises me is why people like Game, on who HMV are encroaching, don't start selling music. There is a gap in the high street that is there to be filled.

Still, like a jilted boyfriend, I can, through gritted teeth, wish HMV and Mario the best, while secretly hoping the whole thing ends in tears.

Which, in this instance at least, strikes me as almost inevitable.

Seems apt...

2010-06-08T16:43:00.003+01:00

I've spent the last couple of days trailing around all the old agencies again. This well known song sums up the experience.

There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, a hole.

Then fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, fix it.

With what shall I fix it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I fix it, dear Liza, with what?

With a straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With a straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, a straw.

The straw is too long, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The straw is too long, dear Liza, too long,

Then cut it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then cut it, dear Henry, dear Henry, cut it.

With what shall I cut it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I cut it, dear Liza, with what?

With an axe, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With an axe, dear Henry, dear Henry, an axe.

The axe is too dull, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The axe is too dull, dear Liza, too dull.

Then sharpen it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then sharpen it, dear Henry, dear Henry, whet it.

With what shall I sharpen it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I sharpen it, dear Liza, with what?

With a stone, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With a stone, dear Henry, dear Henry, a stone.

The stone is too dry, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The stone is too dry, dear Liza, too dry.

Then moisten it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then moisten it, dear Henry, dear Henry, moisten it.

With what shall I moisten, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I moisten, dear Liza, with what?

Try water, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Try water, dear Henry, dear Henry, try water.

From where shall I get it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
From where shall I get it, dear Liza, from where?

From the well, dear Henry,dear Henry, dear Henry,
From the well, dear Henry, dear Henry, the well.

In what shall I fetch it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
In what shall I fetch it, dear Liza, in what?

In a bucket dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
In a bucket dear Henry, dear Henry, in a bucket.

There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, a hole.

And surprise, surprise I'm back where I started.

Is it just me who'd

2010-06-05T23:18:00.002+01:00

- like to know at what thickness do slices of bread cease being defined as "medium" and become "thick"?

Whoop-de-fucking-do.

2010-06-03T20:45:00.000+01:00

So. Another month ticked off. The summer holidays are heaving into view, meaning that the job market stops. Or it did last year anyway. I suppose with the economic downturn showing no sign of an upturn, my situation doesn't look set to change any time soon. Still the good news is that I can now prefix my "unemployed" status with the much coveted words "long term".

Let the celebrations commence.

Rise of the "Experts"

2010-05-21T19:57:00.005+01:00

It seems that no problem is insurmountable if you have a celebrity to help. From dating, cooking, running a shop / restaurant / hotel / holiday resort / charity, developing new products, making a football team better or sorting out your brass band nothing guarantees success more than the addition of a celeb. They swan in wallop some new paint / clothes / equipment / uniforms / instruments into the mix, call upon one of their "celeb" chums to assist with the revamp then watch as success returns. Well I say success. In TV land success is measured not by "success" but rather by participation in a climactic "event" where they can demonstrate their improvement. The big finish where the celeb has to get their prodigies to perform their act / cooking / dance / concert or whatever at the Royal Albert Hall in front of a bemused audience. And, of course, they always (I mean always) come through, defying the naysayers, proving the doubters wrong. So, on TV at least, involving a celeb in the struggle assures success.

There's an interesting subset of these type of shows. The celeb that has to learn a new skill. This usually involves them being coached (in much the same way as a poodle) by some faintly dusty expert, in a vital new skill be it singing, dancing, playing an instrument. Again their proficiency is demonstrated by a performance at the Royal Albert Hall*. The twist is that events always conspire so that the expert has to call on another "celeb" expert (think Mike Batt) to assist. Despite this things always turn out brilliantly. The event is a roaring success, complete with vague indications that the celeb is some sort of undiscovered genius who could easily turn their hands to any thing they chose. Truly we are blessed to have such greatness living amongst us.

Which is, to be blunt, utter fucking cobblers. We never get to see the complete basket cases, who've also applied to appear on the show that a celeb couldn't save or improve, no matter how many of their "famous friends" they called upon**. It seems to me that these "failures" are all carefully screened so that they can't actually fail, to the extent that the climactic challenge demonstrating their redemption is so loaded in the celebs favour that even Sir Percy Ware-Armitage would be ashamed to participate in it. Now you might think "How can you presume that?" Simple. If adding a celeb (complete with a camera crew) was all you had to do to rescue something from the abyss don't you think people like Zavi / Mothercare / Woolworth's or whoever would, at the first sign of trouble, add Sue Perkins to the board of directors?

But this isn't the point. We aren't expected to analyse, we're just expected to clap, awed by the celebs greatness, vicariously sharing in the hollow things these programmes define as demonstrating "success". We know our place. Sat, slack jawed, in front of the TV.

*Presumably these shows are stuck through as a job lot by the Royal Albert Hall.
**Except for Jesus. But he doesn't do TV any more, so it's a moot point

Same. Same? Same.

2010-05-10T13:25:00.005+01:00

I've been told that I'm not qualified for a junior, temporary, first line, IT support role.
Had smoke blown up my hole by Grafton.
Been knocked back by some crowd called Fluent Technologies with no explanation.
Heard nothing from PMC.
Watched as Van Rath IT recruitment (ha) fill CW Jobs with positions that don't exist.

So much the same as usual.

Sporadic Posting Continues Unabated.

2010-04-25T11:27:00.000+01:00

so I'll keep this one short and snappy.

"meh"

Just in passing

2010-04-17T22:40:00.008+01:00

So I was watching The Gadget Show and a thought struck me. Okay "struck" is the wrong word. I sat there wondering "why"? It is a truly fecking dreadful programme. All that superficial bollox about gadgets being cool (and by extension making you cool if you own one of them - right) wrapped up in reviews which suffer from my pet hate - "Top Gearization". You know the scripted bonhomie, the unnecessary, carefully stage managed, zany challenges designed to prove something crushingly irrelevant. Now this format might have been interesting the first few times on the progenitor show, but watching a tired copy, of a tired original, doesn't make for interesting or informative TV. But on the other hand, if you were in the position where you had to attempt to sell the notion that having an indestructible vacuum flask (or what ever other piece of ephemeral tat they've been given to review) renders you the most sophisticated person in Christendom, as well as exponentially increasing your chances of getting laid, then making the resultant TV show "interesting" or "informative" isn't going to be among your priorities.

Nor is making it any good.

Worst Agency? We have a new front runner

2010-04-12T15:53:00.007+01:00

You'd think you'd reach a point in dealing with Recruitment agencies when you've heard it all. And I thought I had. Until I had this conversation earlier today

"How long have you been unemployed for?"

"About 11 months"

"Ah"

"Ah?"

"That might be awkward"

"Awkward?"

"Yeah we need proof you've been looking for work"

"Sorry?"

"We don't like unexplained gaps in employment"

"Er it's not unexplained I got made redundant"

"Yes but have you been looking for another job?"

"Well I am speaking to you about another job. So clearly I am looking for another job. Otherwise I wouldn't be speaking to you"

The way 2010 is shaping up, Chapterhouse, last year's winner of the "Worst Recruitment Agency" award, will be doing well to retain their title.

And my point was?

2010-03-30T22:52:00.006+01:00

Nothing very profound really. Just that sometimes because you can do something it doesn't necessarily follow you should do something. Of course it is entirely understandable that the media have leapt to use these tools (twitter / text commentary) not because they offer additional information, but rather because they tick the big box labelled "interaction". Obviously it's not real interaction. Rather these constant appeals for texts or emails are designed to cast the viewer or reader in the role of a virtual Greek chorus, to be called upon to laugh or wail at the appropriate moment. It doesn't add anything, beyond texture. And why would it? All the public can bring are opinions. But this conceit allows the media to claim that they are "reaching out", that they are "interacting" with their audience. And they are, but in a way that has been contrived to keep the audience at a safe distance, disconnected from any real influence. Email the studio? Text the presenter? Like they really give a fuck what you think. They are in charge. Not you.

Now you might think that, even by my standards, this is fairly cynical. And I suppose it is. But then I think about the "news" programme Sky News show on week nights at 7 pm. If you want the prime example of how the mainstream media views the idea of "interaction" and it's role then I suggest you tune in. The concept for the show (as it is) is that they use the internet to drive the content for the programme. It sets the agenda. Which, when you think about it, doesn't sound too bad. But they don't do this. It seems to me that this programme is entirely contrived so that Sky set the news agenda, while at the same time allowing them to protest the contrary. Once you strip away the usual mix of the "funny" and the "quirky" (Two words that should never appear in an news programme. Unless of course the presenter has been beaten to death by someone brandishing a sign emblazened with these two words) you are left with something much less mundane. And something altogether more cynical. They claim that the agenda for the programme is set not by the stories importance, but by the number of people who click on the story on the Sky News website. They even have a "top 5 most clicked". And "big deal" says you. But the point is that Sky get to pick the stories that appear on it's website. Despite the claims that it's a virtual free-for-all it isn't. Only clicks on the Sky News site count. Which is rather like those fecking award things where you can only select from an already preselected and filtered list. And lo the Greek chorus is called upon again. To click the video. To show the surfing dog. And you feel empowered by doing so. Sky (and the rest) are listening to me, and people like me.

And of course they are. After all that's what being "interactive" is all about.

To say this is unbelievable tells half the story. It's unbelievable the way that "only" the entirely predictable can be. Of course this whole approach raises some fairly fundamental questions. Does Osama Bin Laden, for example, sit pondering in his cave, worried that his latest statement has only entered the Sky Top 5 at number 2, behind the tennis playing Duck at number 1? (Perhaps if he'd plugged it on the Jonathan Ross show. Or got his arse into gear and appeared on Loose Women or that fucking loathsome Titchmarsh thing). And of course I'm exaggerating, but at it's core there is something thoroughly worrying. Sky (and the rest) are just, for all their bold claims to the contrary, trying to drive you to their website. They don't care what you think, The whole "interaction" thing the media crow about is window dressing, allowing you to believe that you've contributed something of value to the debate. That you've somehow been "engaged". When the reality is that all you are is a click through, to be totalled up, collated and used to sell advertising space.

Interactive? I think not.

Angry Since 1967 LIVE - Text Commentary

2010-03-30T12:49:00.003+01:00

12.35pm More aimless surfing. And it's still raining. It has the look of being on for the day. There's a big damp stain on the wall of the house opposite. Their recently repainted blue border offering the only patch of colour in an otherwise monochrome scene.

12:36pm The battery low warning icon has just started flashing in the bottom right hand corner of my PC screen.

12:37pm Some late period Porcupine Tree just wheeled into view on itunes. The dangers of playing on random. Skipped to the next track which is ELO's "Hold On Tight".

12:42pm And now it's "Röyksopp's Night Out"

12:49pm This is, I'm sure you'd agree, pretty dull all the same.

Angry Since 1967 LIVE - Text Commentary

2010-03-30T12:25:00.002+01:00

12:25pm Just checked the date for "Prince Charming" on Wikipedia, discovering No Doubt did a cover version of "Stand And Deliver".

Experience the full horror here.

Angry Since 1967 LIVE - Text Commentary

2010-03-30T12:19:00.000+01:00

12:19pm Fired up itunes. First track? Adam and the Ants "Prince Charming". Ridicule is nothing to be scared of. As relevant today as it was in 1981